A Wistful Love
by Lupus17
Summary: It's 5 years after the Scanran War and everyone is at the palace. Neal and Yuki are married and expecting their 1st child. Kel finds herself yearning for the same love that her best friends share. What about Dom? Could he be having similar feelings? KD
1. Morning in the Palace

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 1**

**Afternoon in the Palace**

_**Five Years After the Scanran War...**_

Kel stared out her window, watching as the sparrows dipped and weaved through the thin branches of the trees. Sighing, she propped her chin on the palm of her hand. It was spring and everyone was feeling playful, especially the animals. She laughed as two of the young sparrows squabbled over some missed seeds from earlier that morning. A soft wind ruffled the leaves and Kel closed her eyes as the cool fingers of air brushed her cheeks and face. This was her favorite season. It wasn't so hot and sticky that even crossing a room produced a sweat, but neither was it freezing cold so that each morning you woke up shivering. It was perfect. An abrupt knocking disturbed Kel's musings. Turning, she called out to her visitor.

"Come in."

The door opened and Nealan of Queenscove stepped through the entrance. Over the last few years, Neal had settled down some. He was happily married to Yuki, who was even now pregnant with their first child. The responsibility of his upcoming fatherhood had settled whatever restlessness Neal had still harbored. Now he was the epitome of a responsible adult and more apt to hold his tongue, for the most part.

"Hey Kel." Neal smiled easily. "Yuki wanted to know if you'd like to go riding with her this afternoon. She's feeling cooped up in the palace and decided that a ride through the Royal Forest would do her good."

Kel smiled. "Are you the messenger then? I see she's trained you well. I don't suppose you're going with us."

Neal gave her a mock glare, mildly affronted at the messenger quip, but let the insult pass. "No, I have work to do today. We've had a sudden influx of broken bones. I think it has something to do with the pages starting their riding lessons. I've heard we just got a new string of horses from Galla and that there are some real nasty ones. To this day, I'm still thanking Mithros that I survived my page years. I don't think I could endure the torture of it ever again."

Kel shook her head. "We did have some memorable times though, didn't we? I can still remember each and every one. Especially your dreadful poems. You would write these terrible verses describing some court lady or another. I'm just glad that someone finally decided to put up with you. Elsewise, you may have still been writing them today. I think when Yuki and me go riding, we'll have a grand discussion on it."

Neal blew out a disgusted breath and turned back towards the door. "I'll tell Yuki you said, yes. Remember, two o'clock."

When Neal had gone, Kel stared wistfully after him. They were so happy, him and Yuki. She was almost twenty-four and had yet to find someone to love her. She knew it was silly to dwell on such things, but seeing her best friend living happily married to someone who loved him made her feel lonely. Oh, she had many friends and her family, but a small part of her yearned for the love of a man. Kel sometimes wondered if the gods had meant for her to be a lone knight, serving her country faithfully to the end.

Shaking off her melancholy mood, Kel reached for her glaive. A good bit of practice would take her mind off things and besides, she was getting lazy these days with no battles to fight. If she didn't keep her wits sharp, she'd be caught unawares if a war ever did happen. She laughed softly to herself at an inner image of a clumsy Kel, sliced to pieces because she was too slow to keep up with her enemy. That would certainly ruin her title as the Protector of the Small. A dead knight could do no one any good. Hefting the lead-filled weapon, Kel left her rooms and headed for the practice courts. It was time to do some real work.

1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1

Kel spun and turned as she worked her way through a complex pattern dance. Sweat covered her body in a fine, glistening sheen. Her hair, which she'd let grow out, was now past her shoulders and so tied back to keep from whipping into in her eyes. Her muscles sang from the breathless exertion of wielding the heavy weapon. The firm muscles that she'd developed to keep up with the boys during her page and squire years were as fit as ever and Kel took a quiet joy in the fact that she was still in shape. Finishing the dance with a flourish, Kel came to a panting stop, her blade inches from the ground.

"I see you're as deadly as ever. That glaive of yours is a dangerous weapon. I know that I'd not want to be on the receiving end of it."

Startled, Kel glanced up and into the twinkling blue eyes of Domitan of Masbolle. He was standing casually against the wall, leaning easily, arms folded. His dark blue King's Own tunic was wrinkled and his form-fitting breeches were covered in a fine layer of dust. Dark hair, which spilled in waves to his shoulders, was windblown and at the corner of his eyes were small crow's feet. Now near thirty, Dom was every bit a man in his prime. His muscled physique and handsome good looks added to his already charismatic personality. With his blinding, good-natured grin and easy humor, he could have had any lady at his beck and call. Kel was just as affected as any one of the court's beauties.

"Hullo Dom. When did you get back? I thought the king had Third Company patrolling the kingdom for lack of something better to do."

Dom grinned and stepped away from the wall. His stride was easy as he approached her. "He did, but I guess he finally decided that it wasn't worth the trouble of both Buri and my lord Raoul grouching at him for wasting everyone's time. You know how Raoul gets when he's away from his lady-love for a while. He's downright grumpy and you can guess who he takes it out on." Dom held out his arms, his face down turned in a pathetic expression. "The poor, helpless men of the King's Own."

Kel felt a smile tug at her lips. It was hard not to laugh at Dom's theatrical expressions.

"And of course you and your men were the perfect obedient soldiers, following his every order and never playing pranks on their commanding officer."

Dom gave up his pitiful image and grinned outright. "You know me too well, Lady Kel. But what's a man to do, with no battles to fight and hours on end of monotonous marching? A body has to find some means of entertainment and Lord Raoul is the perfect candidate. He bellows so well."

Kel lost her battle with laughter and finally gave in to Dom's carefree attitude. It was nice to just joke with him sometimes. His silly antics never failed to bring her spirits up.

Dom surprised her with a firm hug. Caught off guard, Kel simply stood there for a moment before returning the favor. Her hands slid over the hard muscles of his shoulders and down his back for a few precious seconds. Then he released her and held her at arm's length, his smile unwavering.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving. What say you to a warm meal and good conversation? I'm an expert at the latter." Dom wiggled his eyebrows at her invitingly.

Kel smiled in return. She knew that his flirting was harmless, but it still continued to make her heart beat faster. Determined to ignore her body's reaction to Dom, Kel tucked her loneliness away for the afternoon. Dwelling on such things never helped anyone. And Dom was correct in his assumption that he was an expert at conversation. That was just what she needed.

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone! I've finished the first chapter of my new story, _A Wistful Love_. To anyone who is a fan of my first story, _Unexpected Love, _welcome back. To any new readers, I hope you enjoy this one. I told my fans before that my next story would most likely be a K/D and that is exactly what I wrote. This chapter was easy to write and filled with fun bits of humor. I hope my readers find it enjoyable and I hope to post chapter two soon. Please review and tell me what you think. --Lupus17


	2. Lunch Hour

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 2**

**Lunch Hour**

Kel walked with Dom to her rooms in a companionable silence. Needing a change of clothes and to put her glaive away, Dom had agreed to walk with her back to her quarters. They stepped side-by-side, Kel very aware of his masculine presence. As they approached her door, she turned to him with a half smile.

"I'll be quick, I promise."

Dom grinned easily. "I'll await your return eagerly, my lady."

Kel laughed shortly then turned and entered her rooms. Swiftly, she placed her glaive back to its place on the wall, then turned to rummage for a clean pair of clothes from her chest. Within minutes she was changed to a fresh pair of breeches and a soft blue tunic. Almost half-heartedly, Kel ran a brush through her hair, then scolding herself for keeping Dom waiting for such a silly task, left her quarters. Dom, as promised, was waiting for her patiently, leaning one shoulder against the wall by her door. As she emerged, a quick smile flew across his face, then silently, he offered her his arm with a dramatic bow.

"Could I have the honor of escorting such a beautiful lady such as yourself?"

Kel shook her head and raised a single brow. Her expression bland, she gave him a measured look. "I'm not quite sure you're worthy of me. I'm afraid my station far exceeds yours, dear sir."

Dom met her gaze, his blue eyes dancing with mirth. "I see. I apologize for my inferior self. Am I even fit to stand in your presence your highness?"

Though he tried to keep his voice even, he failed, the last words of his sentence ending in laughter. Kel found herself joining him. It was all too easy to get carried away in Dom's harmless flirting. Refusing to allow herself anymore foolishness, Kel joined Dom as they made their way to the mess hall.

Throughout the short walk, Dom filled the time with short anecdotes from his travels with the Own. Many involved Sir Raoul and members of Dom's own squad. As she had expected, the bored soldiers had taken upon themselves to tormenting her former knight master. One particular story involved an overly amorous village woman, who had been led to believe that Lord Raoul was interested in her. The poor woman had given him an unexpected visit during the night in his tent.

"We could hear the shouts throughout the whole camp! Raoul came thundering out of his tent with the village woman hanging on his arm. All the while he was bellowing for the responsible party and trying to shake her off him. She was like one of those annoying little dogs that won't let go. It was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen in my life."

Kel shook her head and tried to look stern. "Shame on you, Domitan of Masbolle. You led that poor woman on. And my lord Raoul must of been furious. I assume he found out it was you and your men?"

Dom gave her a wry smile. "Yes, he figured it out. We had two weeks worth of punishment duty after that little incident. But it was worth it. The look on his face when he charged out of his tent will be forever burned into my memory."

Kel sighed in exasperation. "You are so like Neal that it sometimes amazes me."

Dom protested the comparison profoundly. "Me? Like our dear Sir Meathead? That's blasphemy lady knight. I find that insulting!"

Kel grinned cheekily. "All right then. I amend my former statement. You appear to be even more childish than Neal. Especially since he's become such a responsible soon-to-be father."

Dom's laughter filled the hall. "You win this match, Kel. Don't worry, I'll get you back for that."

They had finally reached the doors to the mess. Bowing, ever the player, Dom opened the door for her and waved a hand through. Laughing lightly, Kel preceded him into the noisy room. It echoed with carefree conversation and raised voices. The chink of tableware could be heard as all manners of people ate companionably, knights elbow to elbow with servants.

"Looks a bit crowded, doesn't it?" Dom had stepped into the hall behind her.

"It is the peak lunch hour though. I wonder if any of our other friends are here."

Just then, Kel caught sight of Merric, Faleron, and Owen, all seated at a table at the far end of the hall. There looked to be just enough room for Dom and herself. Turning, she beckoned Dom forward, then began walking to her friend's table, carefully skirting the rows of men eating. When she was still a little ways off, Owen caught sight of her and began waving exuberantly. Though she and her friends were all older and more mature, Owen had never ceased to be himself. He was a little less enthusiastic, but age and wisdom had not changed him much.

"Kel! Come sit with us. There's plenty of room!" Owen's voice was pitched to carry above the din of the mess hall.

Merric and Faleron turned to look at her, then waved a welcome. Merric's appearance had changed little, his red hair a trademark part of him, though it had darkened some in the past few years. He still had his temper, but he was in better control of it these days. It took a lot to bring on his anger now. Faleron, dark-headed and tall, was very much the same. He was the quietest of the group, only voicing his opinion occasionally. Smiling, Kel walked over to the three of them.

"Look who I found. Dom's just come back from his patrol with the Own. The King finally gave up on making them look useful."

Merric grinned cheerfully. "I'm sure Lord Raoul had something to say about it. Everyone knows he hates meaningless tasks."

Faleron inserted his own observation. "Especially since his wife wasn't with him. Was he very grumpy during your travels?"

Though Dom and Faleron knew each other, they weren't close friends. Throughout Kel's page years, Dom had never been around and after, their only meetings had involved Kel or Neal.

"Actually he was. Each week extra we had to spend doing nothing, he became more agitated. There was the occasional fight with bandits and a few groups of violent immortals, but that wasn't very often. Everything was so peaceful that the whole camp was on edge, with my lord the worst. That's why my men and me couldn't resist playing a few jests. You have to break the boredom somehow."

Dom shrugged, a grin on his face as he answered Faleron's question. He loved telling people of his pranks in the Own. He was such a good storyteller that he could make the most conservative noble crack a smile or two.

Hungry, Kel tapped Dom's shoulder. "We did come here for food, did we not? I recall you promising me a warm meal, Domitan."

Dom, in the middle of repeating the story he had just told her, conceded the point with a grin and a bow. "Of course, how could I forget?"

Turning, both of them walked to the food line, grabbing trays and utensils. By the time they had reached the end of it, Kel's stomach was growling at the heady scent of food. Glancing over at Dom's tray, she noted that he actually had vegetables on his plate, unlike his cousin Neal, who avoided the food group like it was the plague.

Walking back to their seats with their friends, Kel sat beside Faleron and across from both Merric and Owen. After an almost nonexistent hesitation, Dom sat beside her. As he took his seat, his eyes met hers for a brief moment. They were a bottomless blue and filled with an unidentifiable emotion. Startled by the intensity of his gaze, Kel dropped her eyes to her plate. What had she just seen? Had she imagined the sudden concentrated look he had given her? Kel flashed a quick look at him. He was laughing now, his hands moving with the flow of his words. There was no indication of the almost secret gaze he had given her. Giving herself a mental shake, Kel pushed the image of his deep blue eyes from her mind. His closeness must have finally gone to her head, leaving her addled. Dom wouldn't look at her that way. He was her friend, not prospective lover. Dom only reserved those looks for delicate court ladies who were refined in both face and manner. She didn't fit in either category. She was The Lump, a wonderfully loyal friend, but not one to send men into fits of poetry.

Kel began to eat, methodically moving her fork from mouth to plate. Though she tried to force her thoughts elsewhere, her mind refused to listen. Instead, they wandered back to Dom.

He would probably marry someday, now that the law had been changed to allow men of the Own to have a wife. She had seen him flirt with many a court lady during the last few years. He hadn't yet found his love, but he would eventually. Dom would make a remarkable husband and father someday. At the thought of his union to another, Kel's heart sighed. Would she ever find someone to love her as Neal had? Would she ever have children? Suddenly angry with herself for dwelling on matters that couldn't be changed, Kel forced herself to accept her lot in life. She had chosen to be a knight. With that title came her duty and responsibility to the people and to the Crown. When she had chosen her path so many years before, she had also ruined her chances at a reasonable marriage to a man. To whine and cry over it now went against her very nature. She had her friends and her family. And she had the respect of the people who mattered. What right had she to complain when her life was so close to perfect? She didn't _need_ love, but despite her convincing thoughts, a small corner of her heart ached with the knowledge that she would never know the meaning of love between a man and a woman. She was a knight, first and last and that was what she'd remain.

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, I hope this chapter was okay. I kept agonizing over parts of it until I finally gave up and posted it. I would really like some feedback on this one. Please read and review! –Lupus17


	3. A Peaceful Ride

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 3**

**A Peaceful Ride**

Kel walked slowly to her rooms. After finishing her meal with Dom and her friends, she'd excused herself, telling them all that she was due for a ride with Yuki. They had all said goodbye cheerfully enough, gaining promises from her for some time spent together soon. As Kel had risen from the bench, Dom had lightly gripped her arm, steadying her as she climbed over. With a quick grin he'd told her that it wouldn't be very graceful if the famous Protector of the Small fell flat on her face trying to leave the lunch table. She had smiled in turn, her face Yamani smooth, and simply said that she would never disgrace her self in such a foolish way. Dom had shrugged, then gently tapped the tip of her nose with a single finger before releasing her to continue his conversation with Merric. Kel, a little befuddled from his touch, had walked away feeling almost giddy. But now the giddiness was almost gone. Dom had been flirting and she had made too much of it. Again.

Sighing, Kel came to her door. Opening it, she walked through, then closed it behind her. For several long moments she stood just within the entrance, her mind empty, her face blank. What was wrong with her? She was acting as lovesick as Neal once had, with all the dramatic sighs and dreamy faces to cement her fears. Disgusted with herself and her wandering mind, Kel walked to her desk and sat down, a decisive look on her face. She had about an hour or so before she was due to meet Yuki in the stables. She could get a good bit of paperwork done in that in-between time. It wasn't as if she had anything better to do.

With no battles to fight, her reports were very few and far between. She should be thankful. Few fights meant few injuries and deaths. This last small pile of paperwork was the vestiges of a week-old scuffle with a few petty thieves just outside the palace. Was this what the knights of the realm were reduced to? Filing paperwork on a small handful of thieves, who had tried and failed to steal her horse? It had been bad enough that they'd been planning to steal Peachblossom, her fierce gelding who even the bravest knight of Tortall would hesitate to face, but to add to the ridiculousness of it all, the thieves had been mere boys, with dirty faces and ragged clothes. She'd let them go, stating in her report that they'd run off before she could catch them. In reality, her heart had cringed at the thought of the poor inner city boys in a filthy prison, punished for trying to steal and sell Peachblossom for food money. Her face solemn, she'd given them each a handful of coins, reiterating clearly that they were to use the money wisely. Their smudged faces had nodded solemnly. Then they had gone, scampering off quickly and disappearing into the crowd as swiftly as street rats.

Thinking back on it, Kel smiled sadly. Her young, would-be-thieves had most likely used up her money and were probably even now picking pockets and stealing from the wealthy. Kel knew it was the way of the world, but sometimes her heart grew heavy at the thought of the empty bellies and hopeless situations so many children faced. Shaking the thoughts from her head, Kel turned her mind to the reports on hand. Dwelling on such situations did no one any good. Plucking her quill from its place on her desk, Kel dipped the end into the ink pot and began to write, the scratch of quill on paper the only noise in the silent room.

3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3

Kel scrawled her name on the bottom of the last copy of the report and sat back in her chair with a sigh of contentment. She had finished it just in time for her afternoon ride with Yuki. Bending, she blew softly on the still drying ink, then satisfied that it wouldn't smear, Kel folded it. She picked up a short, red cord and tied the report up neatly. She would drop it off later. It was nearly two and she didn't want to keep Yuki waiting. Rising from her seat, Kel made her way out the door and to the stables.

When she stepped into the shadowed building, Kel spotted Yuki by her gentle mare, Mikomi. She had named it after the word 'hope' in Yamani. Neal had given his wife the mare when they had found out that Yuki was with child. Yuki had then named the doe-eyed horse Mikomi. She had said that it symbolized the coming birth of their child and the hope she carried for it. Kel remembered the tender look the couple had exchanged. It had been one of those moments when the two had been aware of nothing around them.

Yuki was fitting a bridle to the mare's head while murmuring softly to her. Walking swiftly to her friend's side, Kel gently pushed Yuki away and finished buckling the bridle herself.

"Kel! I can do that myself. I'm not an invalid." Yuki's voice was irritated.

Kel gave her long-time friend a measured look. "You know what Neal said. You're not allowed to strain yourself. I can easily ready your horse for you. I don't mind."

Yuki's stern gaze showed her disapproval. "Putting a bridle on a horse isn't straining myself. I'm tired of being treated like a fragile doll, I'm pregnant, not deathly ill!"

Throughout the years, Yuki had become less and less like the emotionless Yamani's. She still had her reserve, but she was much more open about her feelings now that she wasn't around her people anymore. Her frustration with the restrictions Neal had placed on her had only brought them out more.

"Yuki, you're six months pregnant. You shouldn't be doing anything that could endanger either you or the baby. I know that you hate being catered to, but once the child's born, you'll forget about all the frustrations. All you'll be thinking about is your beautiful little girl or boy."

The look of irritation on Yuki's face slid away. "I'm sorry, Kel. I know that I've been snapping at everyone lately. It's just that Neal has been tiptoeing around me as if trying to avoid making me angry. Whenever I snap at him, he just gives me this infuriating look of sympathy. He doesn't ever argue back anymore. I can't stand it! He's placating me like a tolerating parent with a tantrum-throwing child."

Kel laughed lightly. She could see why Yuki was so cross. She knew that if she were in her friend's place, she too would become annoyed. "I'm sorry too. Neal's just trying to help make things easier for you. He's not trying to make you angry."  
"I know. I just had to get out of the palace and away from my dense husband for a while."

Kel smiled. "Then this ride will do you good."

Yuki laughed. "I hope so."

Kel finished saddling up Mikomi, before going to take care of her own horse, Hoshi. Before long, both horses and riders were ready. Kel helped Yuki into the saddle, careful not to jar her friend's belly. Yuki's form had filled out some. Her stomach, slightly rounder than usual, was just beginning to show beneath the altered riding tunic. Kel would have to make sure that Yuki took it slow. Being around horses in the first place was dangerous in her present state. She would have to be extra careful, even though Mikomi was the gentlest of mares. The only reason Neal had even let Yuki ride was on the promise that she would go no faster than a gentle trot and that Kel would watch over her the whole time. Of course, Yuki's very persuasive argument with the help of her _shukusen_ had something to do with it as well.

As they started out, keeping to the well-worn path, Yuki's mood seemed to lift from dissatisfied to carefree. Kel had noticed that she was prone to quick emotional changes.

"They're beautiful, the trees. They're so green and the air smells so fresh. It reminds me of the islands. We had different ones of course, but the plants and flowers there were so vibrant."

Kel glanced over. Yuki's eyes eyes were sparkling with renewed humor. "Yes I remember. I was young when I was there, but you never forget how exotic everything was. I can still recall the smell of cherry blossoms in the emperor's orchards. I think those were my favorite."

Yuki laughed and nodded. "They were the royal family's most valued flowers and the emperor made sure that they were cared for by the island's most skilled botanists. The cherry blossoms were always kept perfect. No one was allowed to pluck a single petal."

Kel grinned. "Elsewise they would be beheaded for touching such sacred blossoms."

Yuki smiled. "Yes. It's so different here. The Yamani's have such harsh punishments for so little things. We seem almost barbaric in comparison to Tortall."

The two women settled into a easy silence, both appreciating the warm summer day. Kel lifted her face into the wind and closed her eyes. The forest was quiet, but filled with so much life. If she listened carefully, she could here the snapping of twigs and the rustle of leaves. Chattering squirrels and the happy song of birds seemed to flow through the air adding to the peaceful ambiance. Every so often she'd hear the call of an eagle, its piercing screech echoing along the currents of wind. What would it be like to just exist in this world? Kel though of Daine and her uncanny ability to shift and talk to animals. It was a remarkable talent, though sometimes Daine's affinity with wild creatures made Kel uneasy.

Soon, more than an hour had passed. Turning their mounts back, Kel and Yuki headed back to the palace. Yuki's mood, which had started out restless, was now back to its unruffled calm. Kel was glad that her friend was feeling more herself. Though Yuki already loved and anticipated her child, sometimes her pregnancy left her feeling edgy. Her mercurial mood changes had everyone scrambling, especially poor Neal, who was eager to placate his wife—to Yuki's utmost frustration. The simple afternoon ride had been just the thing for the both of them, forcing Kel to think of other things, specifically her infatuation with Dom. Her spirit settled and content, Kel led the way back to the palace stables.

**Author's Note:** Hi everyone. I know that I took forever to update. For that I'm truly sorry. I got caught up with other things. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews on _A Wistful Love_ and please continue to do so. Thanks!


	4. Star Gazing and Meadows

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 4**

**Star Gazing and Meadows**

It was evening. After her ride with Yuki, Kel had spent the rest of the day catching up with all her friends. They'd spent time in the city and Kel had even finished shopping for her Midsummer gifts. At one particular shop she'd found a set of delicate Yamani china plates. The price had been exorbitant, but she'd known that they were the perfect thing for Yuki. Neal had been easy. A thick leather-bound book of famous battles would keep him occupied for a while. For Owen, Kel bought a brace of throwing knives. She knew such things always fascinated him. Faleron would receive a Raven Armory cleaning kit for swords. Recently, he'd acquired a very nice new blade. Her gift would help keep his weapon in top condition. Lord Raoul's gift had given her some trouble, but she'd eventually decided on a painting depicting a warrior defeating a giant. The warrior had held a distinct resemblance to Raoul himself. She'd thought her former knight master would find the irony of it amusing.

The last gift Kel had found had been Dom's. Kel knew that it should have been simple, but for some reason her mind had refused to cooperate. She'd agonized over several different items before deciding on an elaborately designed knife. It had been expertly made with sapphire accents. The color of the stones in the handle had matched Dom's eyes perfectly. Kel remembered staring at the weapon and thinking of his warm gaze. It had been a singularly embarrassing moment for her when she'd realized that she couldn't even buy a gift without getting lost in memories of his face. Disgusted with herself, Kel had finished shopping for her family and banished all thoughts of Dom from her mind for the rest of the day.

When her exhausting hours spent in the city had been over and done with, Kel had sought out her former knight master. Before his departure from Tortall, Kel had promised to challenge him in response to his teasing remarks on his 'excellent chess-playing ability'. Laughingly Kel had declared that she'd improved and was a worthy match for him. They'd decided that there was nothing for it except a three-game mini tournament to decide the better player. Kel had played all three chess games with Lord Raoul before conceding defeat and retreating back to her rooms.

Now Kel stared up blankly from her bed, unable to sleep. Her mind refused to quiet and instead turned with the day's events. Nothing of any importance had happened, yet rest continued to evade her. Closing her eyes, Kel tried emptying her mind, leaving her thoughts blank. It didn't work. Frustrated and tired of waiting for sleep to come, Kel climbed out of bed and reached for her clothes. Soon she was dressed in breeches and a tunic. Lacing up her boots, she glanced out the window. The moon was a sliver of silver in the sky.

It was late now, the midnight watch having been called about an hour before. Grabbing a blanket from her bed, Kel headed out the door. The halls were quiet and empty, her hollow footsteps echoing off the stone corridors. Not even a servant stirred at this time of night. As she jogged down the steps leading to the stables, Kel thought back to her time as a page. Back then her days had been filled with lessons and her nights in exhausted sleep. Life had been routine then. Now without a war or battles to fight, Kel had to look for things to fill her day. She had entirely too much time on her hands.

When Kel finally approached the stable doors, she paused. Deciding not to disturb the horses, she headed around the large building and made her way to the open field. It was empty now, the horses stabled and quiet. Long, wild grass blew gently on the night breeze and the musical song of crickets filled the air. Kel closed her eyes took a deep breath. Peace seemed to settle over her like a blanket.

Walking to the gate, Kel opened the latch, slipped through, and then carefully closed it behind her. She wandered across the open meadow, looking for a nice flat spot to put her blanket down. When she finally found the perfect place, Kel sighed heavily in satisfaction. Then lying flat on her back, she gazed up at the heavens. The night sky was an all-encompassing blanket of stars. Each small pinpoint of light seemed to shine brighter than the last. Kel knew that there were stories and constellations with long scientific names that belonged to each one, but right then it didn't matter. The moment was too magical to put a label to. Instead, Kel made up her own constellations.

She found Peachblossom, his mane blowing in the wind. An especially bright star made up his eye. The gleam of it seemed to mirror his own unique personality. And then there was Jump, her loyal but homely dog, his crooked tail waving cheerfully. She found hundreds of others, each one taking the shape of one of her friends or family. All too soon she began to grow drowsy, her eyelids becoming heavier and heavier. Kel finally slipped into sleep, her dreams filled with horses galloping across the star-studded sky.

4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4

Dawn was breaking, the brightening rays of sun beginning to peak above the trees. Dom led his horse, Bayfire, to the gate of the meadow. Bayfire was a new mount and fairly young. The gelding's name matched both his personality and the color of his coat, which seemed to ripple with auburn flames. Because he was barely broken in, Dom liked to put him through his paces early in the morning. Bayfire was just getting used to his new rider, but was not yet ready to heed Dom's every command. Though he no longer had a stallion's high-strung temperament, his spirit remained barely leashed. Dom hoped that these early morning exercises would soon settle the young horse down.

Opening the gate, Dom led Bayfire through, then closed it firmly behind him. Then with a single fluid motion, he mounted up. Bayfire immediately began to dance in place, eager to be going. Dom tightened his hold on the reins, then directed his mount to start out at a simple walk. He didn't want to take off with out warming the animal up first. When Bayfire had walked for a few minutes, Dom nudged him into a trot, then judging that his horse was ready, he let him out into a canter, then gallop. When they had circled the field once, Dom slowed him down and set him to walk again down the center of the field. Frustrated at being restrained, Bayfire fought the tight hold Dom kept on the reins. When he realized that fidgeting would get him nowhere, the horse blew out a breath that seemed to concede defeat. Dom laughed and patted Bayfire's flank.

"It's not so bad, boy, now is it? Just a few more minutes and I'll let you out again."

Bay snorted, and continued walking, his ears flicking back to catch his master's voice. It looked as if Bayfire was becoming more obedient. Dom had just begun to relax, when his mount abruptly stopped and refused to budge. When Dom signaled for Bay to move forward again, the gelding snorted and began to back up.

"What's gotten into you boy? I thought we had these stubborn problems sorted out. I guess you need more work than I originally planned."

Bay shook his head vigorously as if disagreeing, then sidestepped and tossed his head. The motion revealed the reason for Bay's halt. Directly in his path was a person. The long grass had made it virtually impossible for Dom to see directly ahead. Instead of being stubborn, Dom's horse had simply wanted to avoid stepping on the silly human in front of him. Dismounting, Dom rubbed Bay's nose in apology, then carefully made his way the very still form in his path. Pushing the long grass out of the way, Dom peered down into the mysterious person's face. Shock transformed his features when he recognized Kel's unmistakable face. Panic rose. Was she injured? Dead? Kneeling, Dom gazed at her worriedly. There didn't appear to be any obvious injuries, but that didn't mean anything. Leaning down, he listened to her breathe and noted the pallor of her face . Her breathing was slow and even and her color seemed normal. That's when Dom noticed the blanket beneath her. It was spread out neatly, the surface smooth. Someone had deliberately unfolded it that way.

That's when it hit him. Kel was sleeping, not hurt. Feeling ridiculous for over-reacting, Dom settled back onto his haunches. She'd probably fallen asleep while looking at the stars. It was such an un-Kel like thing to do, but it was the only plausible explanation. Sighing, Dom stared at her peaceful features. Her eyes were closed, Kel's long lashes casting a shadow on her cheeks. A light smattering of freckles over the bridge of her nose gave her an almost child-like appearance. Dom shook his head ruefully. That wasn't entirely correct. She portrayed the innocence of a child but her form was all-woman. Kel had long since blossomed into a beautiful lady, though she didn't seem to realize it. He'd once heard Kel describe herself as thick-wasted and sturdy. Her comment at the time had made him angry. Kel was perfect the way she was. She didn't need to change. When he'd said as much, she'd just laughed lightly and shook her head before changing the subject. Frustrated with the memory, Dom gazed back down at Kel.

She was still fast asleep, her lips parted softly in complete relaxation. He wondered what they'd feel like. Petal soft, he thought and very sweet. When Dom caught his hand hovering over her face, he snatched it back then clenched his fist. He had no business touching her, especially when she was unaware. To her, he was just a friend. Dom was sure that Kel would be horrified if she thought he harbored feelings for her. His fingers still itching to touch, Dom let his gaze roam over her shoulder-length hair. It was a light cinnamon color interspersed with strands of gold from the sun. He'd always hated it when she'd chopped it off. Though she remained beautiful, her hair long and flowing made him want to bury his hands in it. He could imagine what it'd feel like. Silky smooth and straight.

This time his desire got the better of him and a hand stroked the hair gently away from her face. As if aware of his butterfly touch, Kel moved, her leg nudging his. Surprised by the sudden push, Dom's precarious balance was lost. Though he shifted to ease most of his weight away from her, the sudden feel of him startled her awake. Kel's hazel eyes flew open and stared into his, her own clouded with confusion and sleep. Her palms rested flat against his chest and their faces lay only inches away from each other. When Dom had fallen, he'd caught most of his weight on his forearms, but his legs had tangled with hers. Now their chests only a hairsbreadth apart.

Kel's gaze remained confused for only moments before awareness flared. Her soft hazel eyes widened and her mouth parted ever so slightly. Dom could feel the quickening of her breath and thud of her heart. It was if they were the only two people in the world and everything around them disappeared. Lifting a hand, Dom gently brushed the pad of his thumb over her cheek. Kel flinched and her breath shuddered out from between her lips in shock. The stillness of the moment was broken by Dom's unruly horse. Obviously impatient with his master and eager to go, Bayfire nipped Dom's shoulder. The moment lost, Dom yelped in pain, then rolled away from Kel. Lifting himself up onto his elbows he glared at his mount.

"What was that for? You really need to learn some manners. We definitely don't need another Peachblossom."

By now Kel had recovered from her surprise. Scrambling up, her face flushed with embarrassment, she stared down at Dom who was now sitting up and rubbing his shoulder. He continued to glare at his horse.

"Dom! What are you doing here? I don't remember how—I mean when—" Kel stopped when she realized she was stumbling over her own words.

Dom sighed, then struggled to stand. Realizing this fact, Kel offered him a hand. He took it gratefully and with her help, managed his feet without falling. Kel could feel the heat in her cheeks and fought to keep her face Yamani smooth. Her heart was still thundering and she knew that if she wasn't careful she'd begin to babble again. Finally mastering an emotionless face, Kel wiped her sweaty hands on her breeches.

Dom was brushing the loose grass from his clothes and had not yet met her eyes. Taking a firm hold on his horse's reins, he finally turned to face her.

"It was my fault. I was out riding Bayfire when he suddenly stopped for no apparent reason. When I saw you lying on the ground, I thought you must have fallen. I panicked. I didn't realize you were just asleep. When I bent over to check your breathing, you moved and I lost my balance. And well, you know the rest."

Kel nodded slowly. Of course it was by accident. He hadn't meant to land on top of her.

"It's alright. I must have fallen asleep last night while I was star gazing. I didn't mean to. I just couldn't sleep so I thought that some fresh air would help."

Dom smiled easily and motioned toward the palace.

"It's all right. I'm just glad that Bayfire hadn't stepped all over you. I'm sure that would have been a very rude awakening. It's almost time for breakfast. We should both probably head in. At least you got a good night's rest, right?"

Kel forced a smile.

"Yes, I did."

Neither mentioned their almost-kiss as they left the now sunny meadow.

**Author's Note: **Hey everyone. First of all, thanks for the great reviews. I always enjoy reading all the feedback. I'd also like to apologize for the overly-long chapter. When I wrote it, there didn't seem to be a good place to stop without making it too short or leaving it off at an awkward spot. This chapter was lots of fun to write and I hope you all enjoy it. I would really love lots of reviews on this one. Thanks! —Lupus17


	5. Dazed Thoughts and Dresses

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer:**** I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 5**

**Dazed Thoughts and Dresses**

Kel ate breakfast slowly. Her mind was still spinning from her rude awakening in the meadow. Just thinking about it made her cheeks heat. Kel knew she'd made a fool of herself, her tongue tripping over itself, but when the intense moment between her and Dom had been broken, her mind had had trouble recovering. It had been like a dream; waking to the feel of Dom's weight on her, his burning blue gaze staring into her own. Kel remembered the warmth of his breath on her face and the gentle touch of his thumb as he'd stroked her cheek. It had been too ridiculous to be real. Dom didn't like her. He was only her friend.

Frustrated, her mind going in circles, Kel stared down at her plate. After his explanation, Dom had taken care of Bayfire, then walked with her to the mess hall. Though his smile had been carefree, there had been a certain awkwardness between them that Kel had never experienced before. Dom had refused to meet her eyes and as soon as they'd entered the mess, he'd made some excuse about reports to write. The whole affair had been thoroughly confusing. Reiterating to herself that he was a busy man, Kel tried to turn her thoughts elsewhere. When her head refused to cooperate, she gave up on her meal and went in search of Neal.

She found him in the suite of rooms he shared with Yuki, squinting at the fine script on a scroll. As she entered the room, he glanced up a with a absent-minded smile before returning his gaze to the parchment.

"Good morning, Kel. I hear you decided to sleep under the stars last night. Is this going to become a habit or was it just impulse?"

Kel's eyes narrowed. "And where did you hear that, Neal?"

He chuckled, his eyes still glued to the scroll in front of him. "A certain cousin of mine dropped by not a quarter of an hour ago. He supposedly found you out there and mistook you for dead before realizing you were just asleep. He did mention that he accidentally fell on top of you. Actually, that's what I want to know more about."

Setting aside his work, Neal leaned back in his chair and centered all of his attention on Kel.

"How does one 'accidentally' fall on you? When I asked Dom, he suddenly remembered that Lord Raoul had been looking for him. I don't suppose you have any ideas?"

Kel fought back surprise. Dom had told Neal already? What about his reports? And why had he not explained that he'd simply lost his balance, when he'd been leaning over her? Her face, still Yamani smooth, Kel shrugged and replied in her blandest voice.

"I moved in my sleep and he fell. It's simple really."

Neal raised a single brow. "Simple? I doubt anything involving the two of you could be simple."

Kel glared at him suspiciously. "And what does that mean?"

Neal laughed and shook his head. "Nothing, Kel. It means nothing. I'm just letting my tongue run away with me as usual."

At that moment, they were interrupted by Yuki. As the plump Yamani entered the room, Neal hurried over to greet his wife. Knowing she'd have to question Neal later on about his cryptic statement, Kel turned to watch the couple embrace.

Yuki's eyes were sparkling and she seemed happy. It appeared that the effects of yesterday's ride were still with her. She turned to Kel after reassuring Neal that she was feeling ok.

"Kel! Good Morning! I was just visiting Shinko. She's having some new dresses made for the Midsummer Ball and wanted my opinion on some of Lalasa's designs. They look so beautiful. There's even one for me that doesn't make me look like an a very large cow."

Neal protested his wife's comment. "You look beautiful! What are you talking about?"

Yuki laughed good-naturedly, then continued. "There's one for you too Kel. The design fits you perfectly. Shinko wants you to look over it before Lalasa starts to make them. I know you'll love it though."

Kel sighed in resignation. "I suppose I'll visit her now then. Is Lalasa still with her?"

Yuki nodded. "When I left, they were still talking about it. She's going to commission several for the Yamani ladies."

Kel started toward the door. "I'm going to go see Shinko and Lalasa now."

She paused and gazed back over her shoulder. "And Neal? Don't think I'm finished with you just yet. You still have to explain your last statement.

5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5

Kel knocked on Shinko's door and at her "Come in!", entered cautiously. Lalasa and 'Cricket', as Kel used to call her as a child, were talking over several designs lying out on a desk. Both women were talking animatedly about stitches, material, and the hundreds of other things associated with a the making of dresses. At the sight of Kel, they greeted her. Lalasa smiled and hurried over to her. "My lady! You have to see the design I came up with. I think it'll look wonderful on you!"

Kel winced. "It doesn't have miles and miles of flounces does it? I really hate flounces."

Lalasa sighed and gave her a stern look. "You know I would never do that to you."

Kel laughed. "I suppose so. All right, then. I'm ready to see it."

Happily, Lalasa led her over to the scattered papers on the desk. Shuffling through a few of them, she finally pulled one out. With a flourish, she set it in front of Kel. Standing back with Shinko, she anxiously awaited Kel's opinion.

Kel stared down at the deftly drawn design. It was simple and elegant. The bodice was was cut in a V-neck shape, that dipped moderately low. The sleeves were long, but were fluted outward so that they would fall elegantly at her wrists. The the dress itself fell to her ankles in a waterfall of material that was made of of several lengths of cloth. Small embroidered leaves were sketched at the hems, sleeves and bodice. The final effect was dazzling, but simple. It would accentuate Kel's figure perfectly, rather than make her look thick-waisted and unfeminine. Kel continued to study the design as she asked Lalasa the color.

Hesitantly, her former maid answered. "The dress will be a hazel green to match your eyes. The embroidery will be done in gold."

Still awed by the design, Kel lifted her gaze and smiled. "It's wonderful Lalasa. You've really outdone yourself this time."

Lalasa pressed her hands to her mouth. "Really? You like it? You're not just trying to appease me?"

Kel grinned. "No. I really like it. It's exactly the kind of dress I would like to wear."

Lalasa laughed delightedly. "I'm going to be sewing yours myself. I'm so happy that you approve of my design."

Shinko smiled at the dressmaker. "How could she not? It's a masterpiece!" Turning she drew Kel over to a chair. "I want to show some of the other dresses Lalasa had in mind for me and Yuki. And see this one over here? That will be the Queen's. Isn't it exquisite!"

Kel obediently examined the designs, resigned to a morning filled with talk of ribbons and cloth. She knew that it would only be a matter of time before she could escape.

5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5

Dom ran a frustrated hand through his dark hair and paced the length of his room. He couldn't stop thinking about Kel. Whenever he tried to distract his mind with other things, it would inadvertently circle back to her. His blunder in the meadow kept running through his head. Over and over he would agonize over his foolish excuse for falling on her. Had she bought it? Did she accept that nothing had happened? Surely she'd seen the telling look in his eyes when they'd locked gazes? And he'd touched her. The moment his body had pressed against hers his mind had gone blank and the only thing he could think about was how beautiful she looked. If it hadn't been for Bayfire, he would have kissed her. Then where would he be? His friendship with Kel would be ruined and she'd hate him. That's what. And then there was Neal. Feeling dazed and needing to talk to someone, he'd gone to his cousin. Before he could think about what he was doing he blurted out that he'd found Kel in the meadow and that he'd fallen her. When Neal's gaze had sharpened with interest and he'd started to question, Dom had hastily made an excuse and left.

Now he stood staring out the window of his quarters at a loss of what to do. For years he'd hidden his growing love for Kel. He'd tried to find someone else to replace her, but he found himself turning away each lady he came across when they fell short of Kel's standards. They didn't have Kel's quiet strength and honor. They didn't have her patience and dry sense of humor. It was pathetic really. Domitan of Masbolle lovesick over the Lady Knight. Had she ever shown a sign of returning his feelings? No. He'd looked for it, hoping to see some spark. But each time she'd hide behind that god's cursed mask of hers. Even when he'd flirted with her, she shook it off. She just didn't see him a more than a friend. Heartsick, Dom stared blindly out his window and asked the Gods if he was meant to suffer in silence.

**Author's Note:** Hey everyone! I know I took forever to update and I'm really sorry. Recently I've had tons of work to do and I kept pushing it back. Hopefully the next post will be sooner. I hope this chapter is ok. Please Review! –Lupus17


	6. Love Lost

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer:**** I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 6**

**Love Lost**

It was dusk. Kel stared down from the battlements, trying to figure out how to fix her relationship with Dom. At dinner, they'd run into each other. Instead of their usual easy camaraderie, their conversation had been tense and uncomfortable. Dom had made his excuses early, as if he couldn't stand to be near her any longer. Her other friends had sensed that something was up, but only Neal had any inkling of exactly what. Confused with both her own feelings and Dom's, Kel had left soon after, desperate for air, the stifling atmosphere of the mess almost suffocating her.

Now she stood leaning against the heavy stone wall, staring out across the map of Corus. What had happened? How could her friendship with Dom unravel so fast? One minute they were easy friends, the next uncertain strangers. Frustration seemed to be a part of her now. A sigh escaped her lips and she tilted her face to the darkening sky. Closing her eyes, she pictured Dom's face in her mind's eye. An unconscious smile lifted the corners of her mouth.

He was perfect. Not in the sense of never doing anything wrong, or never making mistakes, but in the way he went through life. He was always cheerful, kind, and never afraid of hard work. Though he was quite the ladies man, he was never cruel. He was loyal too. Kel remember when he had joined her in her mission to rescue the refugees. He'd been steadfast then, willing to risk his life for commoners. He'd truly cared about the people at Haven. Instead of seeing them as his underlings, he'd treated them as individuals, people with feelings and their own unique personalities.

Kel pictured his face, with its twinkling blue eyes and mobile mouth, always ready to smile. His dark unruly hair was always falling into his eyes nowadays. He hadn't cut it lately and it was longer than he usually wore it, brushing his collar in waves. He was still very fit. Even now, with the the peaceful lull of battle in Tortall, he kept his skills sharp. She would often see him practicing in the courts, sometimes with another group of the Own, and sometimes by himself.

Kel often wondered if he ever thought of her outside of their run-ins or conversations. Was she only a passing thought, a good friend but nothing more? Though she was sure it was her imagination, Kel would often catch him looking at her with a strange glint in his eye, but whenever she'd look again it would be gone. Her wishful thinking was obviously putting emphasis on meaningless things. Troubled, her thoughts in turmoil, Kel continued to stare blindly across the horizon.

6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6

Dom sat with several other members of the Own. They were all lounging around in Wolset's quarters, playing cards. Though he tried to keep his mind on the game, Dom would often get distracted. After numerous reminders from his friends to pay attention, Dom excused himself for a breath of fresh air. He knew that his comrades could tell something was bothering him and he caught the subtle exchange of looks whenever they thought he wasn't looking. Soon enough they'd confront him on his problems and talking was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. He knew that they didn't buy his excuse, but let him go nevertheless. He was in no mood for a heart to heart and they knew it.

Determined to clear his mind once and for all, he headed to the battlements. At this time of night it would probably be deserted and he needed peace and quiet to think. Taking the steps two at a time, he pushed open the heavy oak door and stepped through. With a sigh of relief, he walked slowly towards the wall. He stopped short when he realized that someone was already there. Realizing that he wouldn't find what he needed there, he turned and began to walk away.

Kel heard the footsteps approaching. Setting her face in polite lines of disinterest, she turned and greeted the stranger. She couldn't make out who exactly it was, but she recognized the silhouette of a man.

"I was just leaving. If would like the battlements to yourself, they're yours."

She watched as the man froze, his whole body going still. Then slowly, he turned, and faced her. Taking one hesitant step forward, he spoke softly.

"Kel? Is that you?"

At the sound of his voice, Kel's face closed. What was he doing here? What were the chances that they'd meet up here of all places?

"Dom? I didn't recognize you. It's so dark up here this time of night."

He took another step forward and moved into the small pool of light made by a nearby torch. His face was unreadable. His blue eyes, which were normally welcoming and warm, were shadowed. His mouth, usually tilted with a tireless grin, was unsmiling. His stance was stiff and rigid. This was not the Dom she knew.

"Kel, what are you doing up here?"

He kept his voice nonchalant, trying to continue the charade that nothing was wrong. Slipping his hands into the pockets of his breeches, he studied her face, looking for some telling sign to what she was thinking at that moment. Searching it, he found nothing, her expression as stone-like as ever. Suddenly irritated with her whole mask, he fought back his frustration and dropped his gaze to the stone flags beneath his feet.

Kel paused for a moment before answering. She was obviously not going to tell Dom that she'd been thinking of him. Searching for an answer, she settled for a vague excuse.

"The palace got a little stifling for me. I needed some air to clear my head."

Dom lifted his face again, his blue eyes searching. "Really? Is that all?"

Kel frowned, letting her confusion show through. "Yes. Why do you ask?"

With a soft growl of self-disgust, Dom turned away from her. What was wrong with him? Here he was interrogating her, trying to make her say what he wanted to hear. Of course she wasn't thinking of him. She'd probably passed the tension between them off as a simple mood. His hands clenched into fists in his pockets. He couldn't keep this up. All he was doing was straining the solid friendship he'd shared with Kel. He heard her approach and when she touched his shoulder with a light hand, he stiffened and closed his eyes. Her touch, as always, made him tingle.

"Dom, what's wrong?" When he said nothing, she dropped her hand to her side. It was obvious that he didn't want it there. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to poke my nose in where its not wanted. I just wanted to help—"

"No! I mean...its fine. _I'm_ fine. I really don't need your help at all. I'll leave. I don't know what I was doing up here anyway." Stalking forward, he paused, then with a sigh of defeat, turned to face her.

Kel was staring at him now, her face not an emotionless mask, but full questions and—hurt?"

"Kel...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It isn't your fault I'm in a bad mood. I'm just a little frustrated right now."

Kel ducked her head her head and buried the pain. It wasn't as if they were on the best of terms lately anyway. He wasn't expected to pour his problems out to _her_. "No, don't apologize, everyone's entitled. Like I said before, it's none of my business."

Dom sighed again and ran a hand through his dark hair, much like Neal often did. Then lifting his gaze to hers he gave her a sad smile. "Its just that right now, there's someone I've been waiting for who doesn't seem to return my feelings. It's made me a little moodier than usual."

Kel stared at him in surprise for a moment before recovering. "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know." She paused again, then lifting her face back up to his, she gave him a quiet smile. "I hope it works out for you. The Gods know that you deserve someone special. Is it someone I know?"

Dom's blue eyes seemed to deepen as he studied her face carefully. She didn't seem to be affected by the news overmuch. Swallowing hard, Dom closed his eyes and felt his heart squeeze tight within his chest. She didn't care. If she had cared for him even a little, she'd would have been upset. But she wasn't. No he thought humorlessly, she'd wished him _luck_. Exhaling a shaky breath, he flashed a her false smile and shook his head.

"No."

Kel's face didn't change. "Oh well, I'm sure things will work out."

Dom gazed sadly at her one last time before turning away. "Somehow, I don't think so." His steps echoing hollowly against the stone, Dom left.

Kel stared after him, her heart breaking. He was in love with someone. And that someone was _not_ her. When he'd told her that he'd fallen in love, Kel's heart had seemed to stutter. Dom, in love? She knew that it'd happen eventually, but she'd hoping for more time. Just a day ago, she'd told herself that he'd make a wonderful husband. Now that reality was coming true. It didn't matter that he was worried that the object of his affections didn't return his feelings. He was probably fussing about nothing. There wasn't one unmarried lady that she could think of, that could turn down Dom's love. As it was, Dom was one the most eligible bachelors at court. His family, as Neal's, was from the Book of Gold. He was unmarried, young, charming and very handsome. He was, essentially, every girl's dream at a perfect marriage. Slowly, her back to the wall, Kel slid down and for the first time in many years, cried over a love lost.

**A/N:** Hey guys. I know this chapter is really sad, but I'd really appreciate reviews. Hopefully chapter 7 will be posted soon! Thanks -Lupus17


	7. Lost in Misery

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer:**** I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 7**

**Lost in Misery**

Kel dragged herself to breakfast the next morning, her eyes bleary and her mind empty. Though she kept her expression bland, she could tell that Neal sensed the turmoil that lay beneath the mask. Several times he would glance at her, a worried look on his face. Kel ignored him. She knew that he meant well, but this time there was nothing he could do to solve her problem. Her unrequited love for Neal's cousin was no one's business but her own.

Instead of dwelling on her helpless feelings for Dom, Kel concentrated on improving her rusty weapon's skills. Along with the upcoming Midsummer's festival and ball, the King had decided to put on a tournament for the restless warriors of Tortall. It would be a way to test the many knights and soldiers who hadn't seen a real battle in a while. Everyone was looking forward to it. Kel saw it as a way to distract her.

For the next week she spent the majority of her time on the practice courts. She tested her sword skills on anyone she could find, including her less than willing friends. The pattern dances with her glaive grew more and more complex as Kel strived to bring herself to the height of weapon's fitness. She jousted frequently against Lord Raoul, even when he sent her flying as often as the sparrows who watched her. She considered the bruises she earned as a punishment for lazing about the palace for so long. Kel also began to test her skills in archery once again. She even brought out the hated Yamani bow to practice with.

All of her friends noticed the change in her. Though they were used to her discipline and dedication, Kel had thrown herself into her training, leaving little room for anything else. Neal, who had been worried before, became concerned when her usual smiles disappeared. Suspecting that Kel's change had something to do with Dom, Neal approached his cousin one night about a week after Kel had begun her frenzied training. The usually social man was difficult to locate. Recently, he'd made himself scarce, avoiding meals with the rest of the group and dodging invitations for games and events. By the time Neal found him, the green-eyed Knight was thoroughly frustrated.

"There you are! I've been searching for an entire hour! What are you doing at the top of Balor's needle?"

Dom turned at the sound of his cousin's voice. In no mood to be welcoming, he merely glared at the panting healer as the poor man fought for breath from the long climb up. "What did you need, cousin? I haven't been in the best of moods lately."

Neal crossed his arms in an attempt to appear serious. "I've noticed. That's one reason I've come to find you."

Dom laughed humorlessly. "Then you've been wasting your time, I have no inclination of sharing my problems with you. I only wish to be left alone."

"Well then I guess you won't get your wish. Whether you _want _to or not, you'll explain to me just what's going on between you and Kel. I know something happened between the two of you. Kel's gone mad with training and you've become a hermit for Mithros' sake! I've had about enough of both of you!"

Dom stared at him in surprise, his look of rebellion disappearing for the moment. "What do you mean Kel's gone mad? She was perfectly fine the last time I spoke with her."

"And when did you last speak with her, may I ask?"

His mouth tightening, Dom paused for a moment before answering. "About a week ago."

Neal nodded decisively. "Exactly. That's when this whole mess started. I assume that the reason for it is your last conversation with her. What could you have possibly said to make the both of you miserable?"

Dom began to protest. "I'm not miserable. I've just been a bit moody lately."

Neal snorted. "I think moody is too mild a word. You've been avoiding everyone, especially Kel, like the plague. And when someone does try to make normal conversation with you, they find themselves talking to a blank wall."  
Dom sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, ok? I really don't want to talk about it right now. As for Kel's strange behavior, it wasn't me. We had a perfectly civil conversation that didn't affect her in any way."

He paused, his gaze infinitely sad. Then, as if sensing Neal's worry, he lifted his eyes back up. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'm just...trying to find myself again. Its really nothing to be concerned about."

Neal stared at Dom, disappointed that his thick-headed cousin was being so close-mouthed. He could see how unhappy the man was, but he felt helpless to do anything about it, especially when he didn't even know what had prompted the whole situation. He knew that if he approached Kel, he'd get much the same response; a non-answer and assurances that she was perfectly _fine_.

Disgusted, Neal gave Dom one last look of disdain. Then turning he marched back to the door that led to the stairs. Without facing his cousin, the healer voiced one last statement. "I know you think you're alone in your misery, but if you ever want to talk, I'll be willing to listen."

Neal left then, closing the inner door behind him.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Dom stared out over the city, his mind turning over Neal's words. He'd taken sanctuary in the tall tower, knowing that people rarely traveled to the top anymore. It was also the very last place that he could run into Kel. Though no longer terrified of heights, the lady knight never willingly forced herself to endure her greatest fear. He was coward and he knew it. Imagine, hiding from Kel, the woman he loved. It was pathetic really. Neal's words concerning her echoed in his head. He couldn't forget them.

His cousin insisted that Kel was as miserable as Dom was, but their was one flaw to Neal's theory. Kel hadn't been affected by his declaration of unrequited love to an unknown person. There hadn't been a hint of jealousy or even mild curiosity, just a wish for the best. If Kel had at all cared for him in a more than platonic manner, she would have showed _some_ reaction. Instead, there had been complete indifference on her face. Her eyes had been unwavering and an easy smile had graced her lips. No discomfort, alarm, or worry had made itself present. Neal was wrong. Kel didn't love him as a woman loves a man. She was just his _friend_. Dom didn't know when it had happened, but he had grown to detest the word. It had become the insurmountable barrier between him and Kel. Lost in misery, Dom's let his gaze wander over the horizon, his heart heavy, and his eyes damp.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Kel lifted her sword again and swiped one arm over her brow in an attempt to keep the sweat from dripping into her eyes. Though her body fairly breathed exhaustion, Kel ignored the weariness and with a determined glint in her eye, faced her opponent once more. She and Alanna had just finished a complex series of parries that had left them both breathless. This bout was their third and the previous fights had taken its toll on both lady knights. Though the Lioness had won the previous two, Kel was not giving up anytime soon.

"Not ready to admit defeat? I guess I'll just have to prove to you again that I'm the better swordsman." Alanna's voice was good-naturedly teasing.

Though the King's Champion was an excellent swordsman, she was just as exhausted as Kel. Several times, they had both come close to losing the match. It was only a matter of time before one of them made a mistake.

Kel shook her head in response to Alanna's taunting question. She had never been one for trading insults and she didn't plan on starting now. Forcing herself to concentrate, she carefully stayed out of Alanna's reach, waiting for the Lioness to make a move. After several moments of circling, the older lady knight moved in for the kill in a blinding series of moves, her famous sword a brilliant flashing light. Kel was forced to go on the defensive, her thrusts blocking each blow on instinct alone.

The clang of metal echoed in the empty practice courts as the King's Champion forced her back. In one final attempt to regain the advantage, Kel brought her sword out from under Alanna's, hoping to catch her off-guard. Not expecting it, Kel's opponent reacted almost a second too late. Their swords became locked together for an instant before the Lioness, who knew she could never last in a physical test of strength, broke away and lightning fast, brought the sword to Kel's vulnerable throat. In just that blink of time, the match was over. Both women lowered their swords, their breath coming fast and hard. After several minutes, Alanna worked up the strength to talk.

"You almost had be there at the end. It was a very close call. Actually, I'm surprised I recovered. I'm not young anymore and I'm not _nearly_ as fast as I used to be. In fact, I was expecting you to win at least one of the matches. This fighting business is just too much work." Though the words were said in a teasing manner, there was real weariness behind her speech.

Kel just shook her head. "No, you won fair and square. Often in battle it comes down to the last second. I just need more practice."

The Lioness laughed at Kel's solemn statement. "Youngster, if you practice much more, you'll drop dead. Even I couldn't keep up with the pace you're setting. At this rate, you'll burn yourself out before the competition even arrives. I suggest you take a break and rest awhile. Your body must be taking a beating after such a strenuous week of training. Mithros! Mines killing me after three bouts with a sword. Besides, much more practice and I'll be no match for you at all. Then my reputation will be ruined. Let this old lady keep some shred of her dignity."

Kel gave her a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Though she was exhausted, the Lioness caught the expression.

The younger knight replied in a weary voice. "Of course, you're right. I'll probably ease up in a day or so. I just really want to compete well in the upcoming tournament."

Alanna nodded. "Are you sure you're all right? You've been acting a bit more...determined than usual."

Again, Kel pasted a smile on her face. "I'm perfectly fine. Like I said before, I just want to be well prepared."

"If you're sure?"

Kel nodded again, "Yes, I'm sure."

"Alright then. I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a warm bath to ease these aching muscles. Lets head in."

As the two women walked from the practice courts, Alanna continued to cast worried glances at the younger woman. Despite Kel's protests to the contrary, Alanna could tell something was wrong. The only problem was, she didn't know Kel as much she would like and had no way of broaching the subject more than she already had. Perhaps her good friend Raoul could do more in the way of playing the part of confidant. Whatever was bothering the other lady knight, Kel was refusing to talk about it. Soon, she would break and Alanna hoped someone would be there to catch her.

**A/N:** I'm really really really sorry for not updating in months. I have no excuse except that I've been very tired and very uninspired lately. I'm finishing up my senior year of high school, so I've been concentrating on ending up strong. Its paid off, but at the cost of writing along with several other hobbies. I should have more time now if I'm lucky and you guys won't have to wait nearly so long for a new chapter. I hope I didn't lose any loyal readers out there. Please forgive me and don't forget to review! Thanks! --Lupus17


	8. Exhaustion & Pain

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer:**** I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 8**

**Exhaustion & Pain  
**

It was afternoon and the sun was hot overhead. Kel sighted down her lance through squinted eyes in defense against the bright light of the day. She was perched atop Peachblossom and her already bruised body was begging for rest. Her rigorous training schedule over the last two weeks had exhausted her both mind and body so that all she could do at night was fall into a deep, consuming sleep. Unwanted thoughts concerning Dom had no time to surface during her self-inflicted discipline. Kel was almost to the point of numbness, where no one and nothing could affect her any longer.

Everyone had taken notice, including her closest friends. Neal in particular had become a nuisance, venting his worry over her "self-torture" Her meals had become a game of avoidance, much to the frustration of her best friend. Owen, Merric, and Faleron had mentioned her tireless training also, curious if anything was wrong. She had waved away their concern. Dom had been conveniently absent throughout the last two weeks. She'd heard from Neal that he was worried and stressed about something. News of this only made Kel more determined to forget her infatuation with him. His love for another woman only made her feel all the more foolish.

Even Raoul, who usually left her alone for the most part, had commented on her unusual dedication to the tournament. She had given him the same answer she had given everyone else. She felt rusty after such little combat and wanted to perfect her skills in time for the Midsummer tournament. It had become almost effortless to recite after so many inquiries. Her Yamani mask never failed her in these situations and only the very closest of friends could see through the still veneer of her expressionless face. Though he didn't mention the issue anymore, Kel could tell she hadn't convinced him with her story.

Now Kel was once again in the saddle, having recovered from her last meeting with the ground. She silently ignored the discomfort from a two week's tally of pain and faced her former knight master once more. Raoul had agreed to joust with her several times in the last week though he'd made it clear what he thought about her non-stop pace. His only justification had been that if he was her opponent, at least he could keep an eye on her. In answer, Kel had said that his worry was not necessary accompanied with her usual bland expression. He'd shaken his head and proceeded to leave it at that.

"Ready, Kel?" Raoul's deep voice floated from across the outdoor practice courts.

Kel once again resettled her lance before saluting him. Then she waited for his signal. When it came, she sent Peachblossom barreling down the lane, her eyes glued to the center boss of Raoul's shield. The thundering of her warhorse's hooves was a roaring in her ears. A moment before they collided, Kel could already tell she was wrong, and a split second later, she was airborne. Her already beaten body shuddered with pain when she hit the ground and for several long seconds she didn't move. Closing her eyes, she finally gathered the strength to push herself up. Peachblossom had already found his way to her and was even now nuzzling her hair. Raoul trotted his own mount forward until he sat only a few feet away, a worried look on his face.

"You alright, Kel? Looked like you took a hard fall there." Kel lifted her gaze to his and gave him a smile, but it turned out more like a grimace. Wincing, she pressed a hand to her cheek. It came away smeared with blood. Sighing in disgust, she used Peachblossom to help her to her feet, and then faced Raoul again.

"I'm fine really. It's no more than I usually receive after such a wonderful flight."

Raoul's worried look didn't leave and only grew more concerned when he caught sight of the scrape across her cheek."You're done in Kel, and you need to have that cut seen to. Last thing you need is an infection. Before you know it, half your face will have rotted off."

His morbid humor had Kel cracking a tired smile, but even Raoul could see that it didn't reach her eyes. Usually so clear, her hazel eyes were shadowed with fatigue and a hidden pain. Though it was anyone's guess what that pain could be. After the Lioness had approached him about Kel's unusual behavior, he hadn't realized something was wrong. He'd been busy and he and his former squire had scarcely seen each other. Raoul had taken care to make inquiries with Kel's closest friends. They were all clueless as to what had come over Kel. Neal had been the only one to show some insight on the situation, mentioning that Dom was acting in much the same way. Curious, he'd searched out his sergeant to no avail. But Raoul hadn't given up yet. He was sure he'd catch up with Dom sooner or later. As for Kel, he felt helpless to do anything until he could pinpoint the problem.

"Well, get moving Lady Knight. I can't have you dropping dead from exhaustion."

Kel nodded her agreement and saluted her former knight master one last time before leading Peachblossom back to the stables. Raoul watched her go, worry in his eyes.

8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8

Kel trudged back to the stables. Her body felt as if a giant had taken a really big sledgehammer to it, which was true considering Raoul was a giant of man. His sledgehammer just happened to be a lance. As she struggled back up the hill, Kel turned her thoughts to a hot bath and food to ease her aches. She'd started training early in the morning and all of her hard work was starting to take its toll. She had bruises on top of bruises. Leading Peachblossom into the stables, Kel began to take off his tack and brush him down. The entire process was done in a numb state, her mind too tired to really concentrate on the task at hand. Once she was finished, she gave him one last pat on the head, before heading back to the palace.

Kel was just turning into the hall that led to her room when she collided blindly with someone. Her mind too bleary to react very quickly, she stumbled heavily and almost fell. Her victim was quicker than her and caught her before she could slide onto the floor. Kel was grateful. If she had actually fallen, she wasn't so sure she would have had the energy to rise again. She was already apologizing when she lifted her head to acknowledge her clumsiness. It was then that she became aware of him. Her eyes met the deep blue of his and she froze. Kel's entire body stiffened in numb surprise and she stopped in mid-sentence. Dom was the first to recover.

"Kel! I'm so sorry! I didn't realize—Mithros! Is that blood? What happened? We need to get you to a healer. You look terrible!" Dom, who was already supporting her weight, began to lift her. She winced when his arms pressed against one of her numerous bruises. He didn't miss her grimace of pain and shifted so that the pressure was relieved. "You've taken a royal beating. Where did all these bruises come from?"

Kel finally regained her tongue and began to protest. "No! I'm fine, really. It's just a small cut and the usual training bumps. Dom, put me down! I'm too heavy for you!" But it was too late. He had already scooped her into his arms as if she weighed nothing at all and was marching toward the healer's. She knew if she made a fuss, she'd end up making more of a spectacle than they already had. Embarrassed and shocked, Kel could barely form the words she was trying to relay. "Domitan of Masbolle! I'm serious! I don't need to be carried about like a small child."

"I beg to differ lady knight. You're injured, so exhausted you can barely stand, and you have someone who is willing to carry you."

Kel simply stared into his face. Every once in a while Dom would glance down, but for the most part he concentrated on walking. It was so odd. After two weeks of avoidance, the awkwardness between them had simply dissipated.

"First of all, the injuries you claim are a small cut and a handful of bruises, barely worth the trouble of a healer. Second, I am perfectly able to stand on my own two feet. I'm not _that_ tired. And last, even if you're willing, it doesn't mean I am. Besides, I'm no petite lady."

Dom shook his head. "Well if you were able to stand alone you wouldn't have almost fallen back there. As for the silly comment about your size, well I won't even dignify it with an answer. It's insulting for you to think I'm such a pansy that I'd fold under your small weight."

"But, Dom. I know for a fact that—"

Dom stopped abruptly, forcing to Kel grab onto his neck tightly for fear of slipping out of his arms. He stared down into her face, his eyes searching and suddenly hooded. In a quiet voice, he interrupted her protest. "I've missed you, Kel. I don't think I really understood how much until you and I ran into each other."

His simple statement brought back all the reasons why they'd grown uncomfortable with each other. For a short moment she was silent. Then she replied in a cautious tone. "I don't know what you mean. Neither of us have gone anywhere."

Dom stared for several long moments before giving her a overly bright smile. "Of course. I should get you to the healers." He began to walk again, but their friendly banter was gone, replaced with the same tension-filled silence of their last meeting. Kel kept her eyes averted from his face and he ceased talking. She was uncomfortably aware of the intimate hold he had on her. She could feel the warmth of his bare skin and the silky smoothness of his hair where it brushed her arms. This was not something she had anticipated. And it was certainly not something she would want anyone else to see and interpret wrongly either. Her voice a soft entreaty, she pleaded once again for him to put her down.

"Dom, please, let me down. I promise I can walk myself to the healer's. Besides, I'm sure you wouldn't want anyone to see us and get the wrong idea. You know how nobles are. They're always looking to gossip. Just think, what would your lady-love think if she heard about this. I'm sure it wouldn't help your case with her."

At the mention of Dom's love, he froze and once again came to a halt. His bright blue gaze flew back to hers, searching. "My lady-love?"

Kel swallowed hard and forced her expression into polite, but distant lines. "Yes. The woman you love who hasn't yet returned your feelings. Remember, you mentioned her on the battlements."

Dom jaw clenched and Kel could see the flex of muscle in his cheek. His voice became ironic, almost bitter. "Yes well, like you said, she doesn't return my feelings. It doesn't matter anymore."

Kel felt a pang in her chest at the mention of the woman who had captured Dom's heart. Determined to be the friend that he'd always seen her as, Kel disagreed. "But it does. If you love her, than you have to fight for her. I always knew you'd make a wonderful husband and father someday. You mustn't let it just slip away so easily. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy."

"Is that really what you want? For me to be happy?" Dom's impulsive question caught her off guard. Unsure of the answer he expected, Kel frowned.

"I don't understand why you'd ask me that. Of course I want you to be happy. I care about you, Dom."

Dom laughed. But it wasn't the bright clear laugh of joy, but of bitterness. "Yes, I know that. You care about everyone, Kel. But does it go beyond that? Can you even love, Kel? I think you use that Yamani mask of yours as a shield, to distance yourself from everyone. You don't want the burden of loving someone, so you keep them at arm's length. Even my cousin Neal hasn't breached your impenetrable wall. Else he wouldn't be coming to me about your problems, trying to figure out what lies beneath that stone face of yours."

Even as he said the words, Dom knew on a deeper level that they weren't true. He'd seen Kel's compassion and love for her friends and comrades too many times to count. She cared deeply about people, sometimes a little too much. Her mission to save her refugees at the end of the Scanran War had been just one of the examples of her love for people. She'd risked everything to save the lives of commoners. Committing treason was no small matter.

Almost immediately, Dom regretted his words. They had been words of endless frustration, not real truth. But it was too late. Dom saw it in the way her face seemed to freeze and lose all its color. Her eyes shuttered and and grew emotionless, but not before Dom saw the hurt. It had been just a flicker, but it had been very real. If she had been like stone before, she was now a true Yamani, letting nothing affect her. Kel was gone, replaced by an emotionless shell.

Fear took the place of his frustration. Dom didn't want to lose whatever remained of his friendship to Kel. "I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. I've just been a little frustrated lately. Please Kel, forgive me. We both know what I said wasn't true."

Kel didn't respond other than to nod. "Of course I forgive you, Dom. Don't worry about it. Now, if you please, I'd like to be put down." Her voice was flat, with no variation.

Helpless to do anything but what she asked, Dom set her gently on her feet. She turned and thanked him politely before excusing herself for the healer's. Dom watched her go with the realization that he had just severed whatever hope had remained for the two of them. He'd lost Kel. The only woman who'd ever meant anything to him.

A/N: Ok, Chapter 8 is up. I made it one of my longer chapters in order to help appease my readers ;) I hope you guys enjoyed it. I know that I've taken virtually forever for this and I really have no excuse except for being extremely busy and having a very large case of writer's block. I know I promised last time that I wouldn't take as long but it seemed as if one thing after another kept happening. Since I last updated I did graduate with an Academic Honors Diploma and for that I'm extremely happy. Also, we had massive flooding in my city recently which required massive clean-up. And in the middle of all that we had my baby sister's open heart surgery, which went extraordinarily well :D Just know that I haven't been wasting my time. Please forgive my lateness and hopefully the next posting will be sooner. Don't forget to review! -Lupus17


	9. Escape

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 9**

**Escape**

Kel walked numbly to the healers. The icy coldness that resided in her chest seemed to expand with every step, leaving no warmth behind. Dom's words had struck fatally deep. It didn't matter that he had taken them back. Simply, what had been said couldn't be unsaid. What really hurt the most was the kernel of truth in them. Though Kel herself knew in her mind that she loved Dom, it was also apparent that he thought she was loveless, or more importantly, lacked the ability to love. To think that he truly believed that in his heart, despite his protests, made her cold to the very core. He thought she lacked a very human emotion. What did that make her in his eyes then? Less than human, incapable of the simplest feeling?

Kel knew that it shouldn't have mattered. She should've been able to wave his verbal misstep aside, but the thought that kept on clinging to her mind was that Dom could never love what he thought was an empty shell, knowing that he'd never receive that love in return. This realization changed everything. Even though she'd already accepted his love for another, her head seemed to forget her heart's vow. His words had made the struggle to hold herself together fruitless. She'd been keeping her unwanted feelings to herself in order to keep from burdening Dom. She'd wanted to spare him the embarrassment and the inevitable feelings of pity. She'd wanted to spare herself. But her entire effort had been for naught. It meant nothing. But there were no tears this time, just an icy emptiness that permeated her frozen heart. Kel did know one thing though. She had to get away. She couldn't stay here any longer. Her mask was broken and she was tired. Tired of holding back. Tired of smiling when there was no light in her heart. Tired of hiding behind false walls of contentment.

Instead of continuing to the healers, Kel walked to her rooms. But she didn't rush. Her steps were measured and calm. After all, she didn't want to alarm anyone. There was no sudden panic, just an unruffled sense of purpose. To leave.

9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9

Dom stared after her. A rising sense of helplessness began to beat a steady tempo against his already frustrated heart. He had just driven away Kel. And instead of using his chance run-in with her as a way to bridge the ever-widening gap between them, he'd burned the last of their ties with his thoughtless words. There was nothing left of their relationship, only ashes of what had been. His only hope was to let her go for the moment. Dom knew that his only chance at redemption would be after she'd had a chance to let the hurt fade. Only time could do that. But despite knowing this, Dom felt a very real pain. It was the pain of knowing he'd hurt her, deeply. He'd thought he couldn't be more miserable than the last two weeks, but he'd been so very wrong. This kind of pain far outweighed the misery that had haunted him previously. And this kind of pain, the burden of another's, brought him to his knees.

9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9

Kel packed quickly and efficiently. The task was mindless. She'd lost count the number of times she'd had to ride out in the dead of night, her mind bleary with sleep. It was simply one of the many faces of knighthood in all its infamous glory. But this was no ordinary trip. It was an escape, an escape from pain, and people, and the pretense of just being herself. Kel knew that if she didn't leave, she'd shatter, like so much fragile glass. She also knew that once she shattered, the pieces of her heart that made up what Kel _was_ would be too small to repair. She'd be forever broken, like one of the countless porcelain dolls that were carelessly thrown aside.

Tunics, breeches, and an extra pair of boots were thrown into her bags. Ointment, her hair brush, and other small toiletries were slipped into some of the many pockets in her saddlebags. Her sword, Griffin, was strapped to her waist and her glaive was sheathed and carried. Small pieces of jerked meat and packets of herbs that would serve as ready made soup over a fire were also packed. Flint, her sword cleaning kit, and the small lead-filled balls she's used to strengthen her hands went into the bags as well. Finished, Kel took a step back and scanned the room one last time. She didn't know when she'd be back so she took it all in, memorizing the contours of what had become her home. Then, without another pause she quietly left, closing the door behind her softly.

Her walk through the maze of halls passed in a blur and all too soon Kel found herself in the stables. Her gaze wandered over her beloved warhorse, Peachblossom. She'd have to leave him behind. He was as exhausted as she was from the hard paces she'd put him through earlier in the day and he hadn't yet recovered his strength. It would be cruel to ask him to give her more, especially since he was no longer young. Kel knew that he'd be well cared for by Stefan and so turned her worries aside.

Walking over to Hoshi, her sweet mare, Kel let herself into the horse's stall. Hoshi immediately greeted her with a soft huff of breath and a friendly butting of her head. Fondly, Kel rubbed her poll before hefting both the blanket and heavy saddle onto her back. After making sure it was cinched comfortably tight, she gripped the reins and led the mare out of her roomy stall and to Peachblossom's stall door. Holding out her hand, Kel said her last goodbyes to an old friend. Peachblossom seemed to sense her sadness for his difficult nature was nowhere in sight. After a silent moment, Kel mounted Hoshi and turned her out towards the road. And without looking back, Kel left her pain behind, choosing instead to seek peace away from well-meaning friends.

9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9

Dom stared at the small pewter figurine of a dragon that sat on his desk. It had been a gift from Kel several Midwinters back. At the time, she'd told him that the dragon would bring him luck and good fortune, or so the lady she'd bought it from had said. The small, but beautiful smile on her face while she'd told him had meant more to him then the intricately carved figure ever could. But now, all that was left of their steadfast friendship was the small dragon. So Dom stared at it, hoping that the good fortune he so desperately needed at the moment would make itself known.

His morose mood was interrupted by a wild pounding at his door. Impatient with whoever could be bothering him, Dom swung the heavy wooden slab open with such force that the person left knocking almost stumbled forward. A wild-eyed Neal greeted him. His cousin's hair stuck up in tufts and there was a panicked look on his face. Immediately concerned, Dom stepped forward.

"What's wrong? Is it Yuki? Did something happen to the baby?"

Neal, still gasping for breath, only shook his head before answering. "No! Nothing like that! Yuki's fine. Dom, it's Kel, She—"

But Neal didn't get to finish. At the words that something had happened to Kel, Dom was off and running to her rooms, desperate to see what had happened. Was she hurt? And how badly? Had she been fatally injured? An endless barrage of potential situations flew through his mind as his pounding feet brought him closer to her quarters. When he finally arrived, he realized that Neal had caught up with him and was even then trying to stop him. Desperate to see her, Dom flung open her door and was greeted with an empty room. Everything was neat and tidy, but there was no Kel. Assuming that she was at the healer's, Dom turned to leave, only to be blocked by Neal. Angry now that his cousin would dare try and block him from the woman he loved, Dom tried to push past, only to be thrown back by Neal's surprising strength.

"Just stop for a second, Dom! Listen to me! Kel isn't hurt! Do you understand? She hasn't been injured!"

All the air seemed to leave Dom's lungs at Neal's assurance. The rising panic that had driven him to find her dissipated, leaving him feeling dizzy and confused. Anger remained.

"What do mean? I thought you said something had happened to Kel. Why did let me believe she was hurt if you knew it wasn't true!"

Neal shook his head. "I never said she'd been hurt, you just assumed that after I said her name."

"Then what's wrong? Why did you come pounding on my door if nothing's wrong?"

Neal glanced away before meeting Dom's gaze. "I didn't say that either. I only said that she wasn't hurt."

"Mithros, Neal! Give me a straight answer!"

After letting out a gust of breath, Neal turned his green-eyed gaze to Dom's. "All right, I will. But promise me you'll hear me out before interrupting me."

"I'm not promising anything!"

It was then that Dom noticed the sadness and pain in Neal's eyes. His heart pounding, Dom waited for Neal's explanation. "Kel's missing, Dom—"

"Missing!" When Dom's exclamation was met by Neal's level stare, he quieted.

Neal began to speak again. "When she didn't get any breakfast, then lunch, I wanted to check and see that she was all right so I knocked on her door. When no one answered, I asked around, but no one had seen her at all today. I decided to check the stables, thinking that maybe she went out for a ride, but didn't tell anyone. I found Hoshi's stall empty so I thought all was well, but Stefan saw me looking and stopped me. He's usually a very even-tempered man, but he seemed really worried. He told me that Peachblossom had told _him_ that Kel had left, and not for a leisurely ride. He said that she'd taken heavy saddlebags packed for a long trip and that she'd had her glaive and sword with her."

Dom felt the blood drain out of his face at Neal's words. "What do mean packed for a long trip? That doesn't make any sense."

Neal closed his eyes briefly before continuing. "That's not all. She left a note and several wrapped packages behind. They're on the desk behind you. I read the note. That's how I knew what Stefan had said was true. Look around. She's taken most of her things. Her clothes and weapons are gone."

Dom spun around and walked quickly over to the desk where a single sheet of parchment lay. The flowing script on the page was indeed Kel's writing. Dom had learned to recognize it over the years. Slowly, he sank down into the single wooden chair to read her words.

_My Friends, _

_If you've found this note then you've discovered that I have indeed left the palace. Please don't worry. I haven't been myself lately and I'm sure most of you noticed. I finally came to a decision last night that I had to leave. It was at no fault of you, my beloved friends, but something that I had to do. I hope you'll understand that I need this time alone, to myself. Please don't search me out or try to follow my footsteps. It will only make this harder. I've been stuck at the palace for far too long and I miss seeing the countryside._

_I don't know how long my journey will last. It could be days or weeks or months. Please know this, if ever the kingdom of Tortall has need of me I will hear and bring myself home. This unexpected trip does not mean that I have neglected or forgotten my duty to the Crown. My vows as a knight of Tortall are still my guide through life. _

_I only ask a few things from you while I'm away. Please take care of Peachblossom, Jump and the sparrows. I know that my old warhorse can be difficult sometimes, but I'm sure Stefan can make sure he behaves himself if one of you can find the time to exercise him once in a while. He has earned the right to a little temper at his age! As for Jump, he loves all of you and I'm sure you will have no trouble feeding and caring for him. Last are the sparrows. They have grown accustomed to being fed each and every morning and I'm sure they'll continue to expect such grand service from us humans! I would appreciate it if you continued this tradition._

_I also know that I'll most likely miss Midsummer celebrations and the tournament I had been preparing for, but don't think that I have forgotten my cherished friends. I have left a package and personal note for each of you. Consider it an early Midsummer's gift. Though I may not always show it, I consider each of you family and love you as the closest of friends. _

_Your Friend, Kel_

Dom finished reading the note feeling curiously numb. Though she would never say it, Dom knew that the reason Kel had left was because of him. He'd been thoughtlessly cruel to her, and driven her away from her friends and her home. His hands, which he'd unconsciously clenched into fists while reading, were carefully relaxed. After another moment of silence, He stood, leaving the note where it lay. The others needed to read it too.

Neal had stood silently by while he'd waited fro Dom to finish. Now he spoke. "Wait, Dom. She left you a package too."

Neal walked past him to pick up the neatly wrapped parcel with Dom's name printed neatly on the outside. Turning, he handed the heavy rectangular-shaped package to his cousin. "Here. Take it."

Dom grabbed the package blindly before escaping to his room. After closing the door behind him, Dom seated himself at his own desk and set Kel's gift in front of him. He wasn't deserving of it. The guilt he'd felt when he'd first spouted those hateful words was compounded by Kel's generous and giving nature. It didn't matter that he'd been the one to drive her away. Instead of telling everyone why she'd really left, Kel had made some vague excuse about needing to get away from the stuffy palace. And on top of that, she'd still deigned to give him a gift.

Deciding that he shouldn't prolong his curiosity any longer, Dom untied the twine that held the paper over the box. With careful fingers, he smoothed away the paper, revealing an intricately carved wooden box. The swirling designs so painstakingly engraved into the polished wood formed countless intertwining dragons. The significance of it didn't escape Dom.

The small gold latch that held the box closed glinted up at him in the afternoon light. Dom hesitantly undid the fastener with trembling fingers, and then lifted the lid. He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until it whooshed between his lips at the sight of the elaborately designed knife that lay inside the box on a bed of velvet. It was about six inches long with a sapphire-studded silver handle. The blue-tinted blade shimmered in the light signifying the most precious of steels.

Dom gently hefted the knife from its velvet bed only to find a small folded piece of parchment underneath. Setting the knife down on his desk, Dom unfolded the note and quickly scanned Kel's small writing. Her message was very short:

_Please accept this gift between friends. Do not let our last conversation worry you. I forgive you. _

_Always your friend, Kel_

It was Kel's last words that broke him. _I forgive you._

**A/N: **Hey guys! I updated! I know, it's a miracle! I think it's faster this time though not as fast as most of you would like. I'm trying to think positive and just say that I improved. It was only a month this time. ;) I hope you enjoyed the **very** long chapter! I started and finished it in one sitting. I don't know why I couldn't stop, but the words just flowed… Please Review! –Lupus17


	10. Sparrow's Cove

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 10**

**Sparrow's Cove**

Kel traveled mindlessly for hours. She let Hoshi have her head and then let her thoughts wander where they may. Without the weight of her mask, she felt so much freer. The strain of keeping a smile on her face was gone and with it, some of her pain. She knew that she would never have Dom's love, just as she also knew that he hadn't meant the harsh words he'd spoken to her at their last meeting. Kel used one of the many lessons taught by the Yamani's; she let her feelings of love and pain roll off of her like water. The pain would become a dull ache eventually, though she was sure it would never pass completely. She would take this precious time to reflect and renew her inner reserves.

By evening, Hoshi had led them to a small stream off the main path in search of water. They had traveled far enough away from Corus that they were entering the wilder parts of Tortall. Kel knew she was in riding distance of several small towns, but she wasn't seeking any human contact on this night. She preferred the solitude that nature offered, a bed under the stars, and the music of the breeze through the leaves. Finding a nice, even spot to bed down and starting a fire didn't take long. Soon, the soothing flames cast a warm glow to the surrounding area. The heat from the fire chased away the slight chill to the night and provided a comfortable atmosphere for Kel to cook her meal.

She used one of her cloth balls filled with vegetables and bits of meat to make soup. Hoshi had already been ground tied not far from the fire, just outside the glow of the flames. As her meal finished heating up, Kel took out her map of Tortall and tried to figure out where she wanted to go. She knew that wandering aimlessly around the countryside, while relaxing, was not her ultimate purpose. She wanted to find a place to heal, a place to repair her broken mask and soothe the jagged edges of her heart. Staring at the detailed map in front of her, she let her eyes travel from her present position to a place only a few days ride away. It was a small town, one she hadn't visited before, but the name made her smile. It was called Sparrow's Cove and it was perfect.

10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10

The mess hall table was depressingly quiet the day after Kel's disappearance. Neal, along with Owen, Merric, and Faleron were picking at their meals. Neal's vegetables were very conspicuously piled at the edge of his plate while the rest of his food had become an indiscernible entity in the middle. Dom was absent as before. After receiving his gift from Kel, he'd become an automaton. He went through the motions of eating, sleeping and living, but he wasn't really interacting with anyone. Neal knew that Dom's strange behavior was a result of Kel. He had also guessed that Dom had come to care for his best friend in a more than friendly manner, but when asked, Dom refused to answer. After several tries with no luck, he'd left Dom alone. His cousin had already been deeply affected by Kel's disappearance and Neal's unending questions were not helping matters any.

News of Kel's wordless departure had also reached the ears of Lord Raoul, who was confused and frustrated at the non-answers he'd received as to _why_ she'd left. The explanation in her letter had not convinced him in the least. Lalasa, Yuki, and Shinko were at a loss as well. Though Kel had many friends, she'd confided in no one, leaving everyone in the dark.

Neal finally gave up on his meal after realizing the entire mess was unrecognizable as food anymore. Standing up from the table, he half-turned to leave, but was stopped by Owen's surprisingly strong grip.

"Wait! We have to figure this out. This isn't like Kel at all. Something must be wrong. We need to find her, go after her, something! Sitting here doing nothing is driving me crazy!"

Neal sighed and gently shook Owen's hand off his sleeve. "There's just one flaw to your plan, my dear Owen. She doesn't _want_ to be found."

"That hasn't stopped us before! Remember that time during the Scanran war when she took after the refugees? We all went after her then!" Owen's expression was almost desperately earnest and his normally calm hair had become a crazy tangle of curls from the numerous times he'd gripped it with his hands.

Neal gave another tired sigh. "That time was different. Her life was in danger _and_ she was committing treason. It's a completely different situation."

"But—"

"Neal's right, Owen. Kel isn't in any danger. She just wants some time to herself. She specifically stated in her letter to not go after her and that she was fine. There's nothing we can or should do about it." Finished with his meal, Merric left the mess hall, followed closely by Faleron

"See. There's nothing to be done. We just have to wait." Then Neal was gone too, leaving a bewildered and frustrated Owen behind.

10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10

The stables were unusually quiet. Looking for the answers to questions he couldn't find, Dom had come in search of them in the stables. Though he'd had no conscious intention of visiting Peachblossom, he found himself standing in front of the old war horse's stall not long after entering the building. The gelding was not his usual self. Instead of the wild-eyed trouble-making horse that usually presented itself, Peachblossom was listless and seemed unaware of Dom's presence outside of his stall. The strawberry roan had his head down and his eyes half-closed. Even when Dom approached the stall door, he didn't get the reaction he'd been wary of. The horse merely flicked an ear in his general direction, but did not move.

"What's the matter, old boy? Usually by now you'd have half my arm in your mouth. Now my presence doesn't even warrant a nip."

Peachblossom's response was a single stomp of the hoof.

"Hey, don't take your anger out on me. We're both in the same situation here. Well, not exactly. I'm pretty sure you're the not reason she left the palace in such a hurry. You're also probably not a hurtful, mean and insulting man who takes his unrequited love out on the object of his affections."

The snort of disbelief that followed warranted a correction to Dom's words.

"You're right, you can be a mean old horse. But I don't think you ever hurt Kel as much as I have recently. And the worst part is that she forgave me. She forgave me for calling her emotionless and uncaring of others. Her unfailing and selfless nature makes my accusations about her all the more pathetic. I don't know what's wrong with me. I acted as if she wasn't allowed to be happy not loving me. It's ridiculous really, probably just as ridiculous as carrying on a conversation with you. What do you know anyway? It's not as if you can answer."

At that moment, Peachblossom struck out, his teeth narrowly missing Dom's arm as the Sergeant leaped back just in time. "So you do still have some of that mean old horse in you. I take it back okay? I really enjoyed our conversation. It was very meaningful and you were a great listener. Is that better?"

Bobbing his head vigorously, the war horse blew out a breath and whinnied in response.

"I'm guessing that's a yes." Taking a few steps forward, Dom cautiously held out a hand containing two horse treats as a peace offering. "Here, take these without biting my hand off and we'll call it even."

After eying Dom dubiously for several long seconds, the gelding stretched out his neck and gently took the treats from his hand, leaving him unharmed. Releasing a sigh of relief, Dom was about to step back again only to be stopped by Peachblossom himself. The horse had thrust his nose into Dom's palm and snuffled it gently before beginning to gently nibble on his hair. Holding his breath, Dom didn't move for the longest time. When he realized that Peachblossom was going to behave, he relaxed and began stroking the gelding's velvety nose. An hour later, he was in Peachblossom's stall, leaning his back against the wall, fast asleep under the watchful eye of Peachblossom himself.

10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10

Kel nudged Hoshi forward at the entrance to the town. Sparrow's Cove had turned out to be about two and half days ride away. Now that they had arrived, Kel wasn't sure what she wanted to do, only that she would find out once she made her way into the town. As Hoshi walked slowly forward, Kel took in the appearance of the town. It was a small farming village by the looks of it, which relied mostly on its crops for profit. On her way in, Kel had noticed some of the fields of wheat that had blanketed the surrounding land.

As she continued into the main part of the town, she gained notice from the natives. They eyed her suspiciously, but averted their faces whenever she tried to make eye-contact. Used to the response from her many years of travel as a knight, Kel continued on until she reached what looked to be central marketplace. Here there was a flurry of activity as street hawkers sold their goods, which ranged from fresh fruit and vegetables to small trinkets and handmade crafts. Though population of the town couldn't have been much over a few hundred, its people seemed to be thriving and well.

As more and more people caught sight of her on Hoshi, the activity around her began to cease until finally Kel found all eyes on her. Someone pushed their way through the crowd to stand in front of her with an authoritative air about him. He was surprisingly young, Kel guessed only a few years older than herself. Tall and broad at the shoulder, he stood only a few spare inches above Kel's own height. His brown-eyed gaze was clear as he inquired about her appearance in their town.

"I am Roderick of Sparrow's Cove and I represent the people of this town. Your arrival has caused many questions. Who are you and what is your business here stranger?"

Kel dismounted from Hoshi smoothly before approaching Roderick and bowing once respectfully before answering his question. "I am Keladry of Mindelan, Lady Knight of Tortall and I come here peacefully. I only seek a place to stay for an uncertain length of time and to offer my services as a knight to this town."

At the mention of her name and title whispers began to circulate through the townspeople. Roderick himself seemed taken aback at first, but he recovered quickly. "Lady Keladry? I've heard of you. Your story has made its way to even this small farming town, but what is your purpose here? Did the Crown send you? We never asked for help. We're doing perfectly fine without the aid of a knight, and we certainly don't need a knight's services. What services could you possible offer to us?"

Kel shook her head. "The crown did not send me and I am not here for any other reason than to work as one of you. I can work for my food and board. There is no job that I won't do. All I ask for in return is a chance to live quietly here for a while. I am seeking peace and contentment from simple hard work. That's all. I don't expect you to treat me as a noble or for you to bow and scrape at my feet. I only ask for the same respect you give any other person you know. "

Her words seemed to only agitate the crowd as their voices became louder and confused. Roderick himself seemed doubtful of her words. At a signal from him, the whispers and voices were quiet once more.

"I don't understand. Why would a knight lower him or herself to work as a commoner does? Why did you choose Sparrow's Cove? Do not take this as any disrespect, but I find your request both odd and unbelievable. I can't see you or any knight bending to the small tasks that regulate our daily lives."

Kel smiled at his words. "I understand your doubt, but give me a chance to prove myself to you. I will do anything you ask of me. As I said before, I don't expect you or anyone in this village to treat me as a noble. As for the reason I chose Sparrow's Cove, it's very simple really. The name of your town reminded me of my own friends, the sparrows. Nothing more."

Roderick eyed her silently for a moment before nodding. "All right. I will choose a task for you and if you complete it well, then we will allow you stay. Though I know that we don't need your permission, as a knight of the Crown you could demand what you wanted from us."

Kel's eyes met a Roderick's eyes squarely. "I would never ask you to feed me and my horse on mere whim or by decree. I will work for my food and shelter like everyone else here does. I accept whatever task you give me."

Roderick smiled and held out a hand. "Then we agree."

Kel smiled back and gripped his hand firmly before releasing it. "We agree."

Roderick turned to one of the women at his side. "Renie here will show you to your task. I believe it's time for us to dig new latrines."

Kel's face gave nothing away at the mention of such hard and sweaty work. Instead she merely nodded her acknowledgment and followed Renie. Roderick's surprise and the town's people's whispers at her unblinking acceptance did not go unnoticed by Kel. By the end of the day, Kel knew she had earned the right to stay and the will to begin the healing process.

* * *

**A/N:** Hi again to all my readers. I know it's been a very long time since my last update and I can only hope that you're all still with me and haven't gotten tired of waiting. I just finished my first semester of college and I hadn't found any time to write until now. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and if you find any obvious mistakes feel free to point them out to me. I always try to edit my chapters well before I post, but I never fail to miss something. Don't forget to review! :D


	11. Gaining Respect

**A Wistful Love**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.**

**Chapter 11**

**Gaining Respect**

When Kel woke the next morning, the first thing that came to her attention was the soreness in her body. Though she wasn't unfamiliar with the task of digging latrines, it had been a long time since she'd preformed that particular job. Kel knew from long experience that the best remedy to a sore body was to continue working in order to ease the stiffness, which would disappear soon enough. Glancing around the small room Kel had been given the night before, she noted that it looked even shabbier in the light of day. The only furniture it contained were the most basic of necessities: a small, roughly-made wash stand with an equally small mirror propped on top, a sturdy, but plain dresser, and the tiny cot Kel was lying on. The room itself was very cramped and sported a single small window to let in light. Despite all that is was lacking, it suited Kel's needs nicely. She hadn't come to Sparrow's Cove for luxury or special treatment. All she was seeking was to earn her keep doing the simple, but valuable tasks of day-to-day living.

Rolling off the cot with a groan, Kel moved stiffly to the washstand that stood in the corner. Using the small bowl of water, she cleaned her face and teeth, before putting on fresh clothes. Running a brush through her hair, Kel tied it out of the way with a small leather cord. That done, she took one last look in the cracked mirror before leaving her quarters in search of food.

Kel made her way to front of the house where the smell of fresh bread was coming from. The house she was staying in belonged to Marion, a kind, older widow who had offered her spare room to Kel the evening before. She was the only inhabitant of the town that had warmed to Kel instantly. Though most of the villagers now respected her, they were a long ways from being receptive of her presence in their town. Kel knew the only way to gain their trust and friendship was to work hard and let them get to know her. There had always been a barrier between nobles and commoners and that distance was hard to close after a lifetimes worth of experiences.

"There you are! I've made some of my famous butter bread for breakfast. Did you sleep well?" Marion smiled broadly at Kel from the kitchen table and waved a hand of invitation at the still warm loaves of bread on the table.

Kel smiled back and thanked her for the food. "I did sleep well. I want to thank you again for providing the room and board. I'll repay your kindness."

"Your company is thanks enough. When you get on in years like me, it's not money that we value, but the company of friends and family."

Her words brought all of Kel's friends to mind. She wondered if they worried, or if her letter had put their minds at ease. Knowing Neal, he'd probably reacted dramatically at first, but was probably over it now. Intellectually, Kel knew that she needed this time away to regroup, but she still felt guilty for leaving without letting anyone know where she had gone. It didn't matter now. She'd made her decision and she would follow through. Clearing her thoughts once again, Kel sat down to enjoy a simple meal with Widow Marion.

After breakfast, Kel went in search of Roderick. After asking several people, she was directed to the southern fields. She found him and several other villagers digging holes in the ground for fence posts. It appeared as if they were creating a new pen to hold livestock. Roderick himself was in the midst of it, lifting and helping to place the large, rough-hewn posts in their designated holes. It appeared to be hard and sweaty work.  
Walking over to them, she waited patiently for them to finish. Roderick took notice of her presence almost immediately, but did not approach her for several minutes. Finally, during one of their breaks, he walked over to where Kel was standing.

He greeted her easily enough. "Lady Keladry. What brings you over here today?"

"Hello Roderick. I wanted to ask you where I could be of the most help. I meant what I said yesterday about earning my keep. Perhaps with the fencing building?" Kel motioned toward the partially completed fence.

Roderick glanced from the group of men, then back to her again. "I don't believe this type of work is the most suited to your talents. I'm sure there's something to be done in town."

Kel leveled her gaze at him, her eyes direct and steady. "Because this isn't woman's work?"

Roderick hesitated for a moment, before nodding his head. "Alright, Lady Kel. If you wish to help with the fence building, then who am I to stand in your way?"

"I didn't achieve knighthood by avoiding difficult tasks. I had to do equally as well as any of the males throughout my page years." Kel paused, and then added, "But it was well worth it."

Roderick said nothing more. Turning he motioned toward the group of men standing behind him. "Let me introduce you." Kel followed Roderick to the small group of men, who had already begun working again. When they caught sight of the lady knight approaching, the villagers stopped all tasks and waited for Roderick to speak.

"Gentlemen, I'm sure you all know who Lady Keladry is." Pointing at each man, he listed off their names, "That's Jerren, Ternius, Rundel, and Dorian." He then turned to address the men. "Lady Keladry, will be assisting us with the fence building." Before he could continue talking, he was interrupted by a short, stocky man that Kel guessed to be in his mid-to-late thirties. His face was tanned and creased from spending his entire life outdoors tending his land.

"This is men's work. There isn't any room for women here." His words were immediately followed by murmurs of agreement from the rest of the townspeople.

"Now, Jerren, that may be, but—" Kel interrupted Roderick with a quietly voiced, "May I?"

He only hesitated for a second before stepping aside and letting Kel speak for herself. "I know you all think that I'm either a lazy noble, or a weak female knight or both. You're wrong. I am just as capable as any of you. Despite these words, I understand that you still don't believe me. Therefore, I propose a trial period. If I can prove myself to you by pulling my own weight today, then you must accept as your equal. However, if I prove to be as empty-headed and weak-willed as you all seem to think, then I will quietly leave Sparrow's Cove without further delay." Kel paused to make eye contact with each and every man. "Is that sufficient, enough?"

Before they could respond, Roderick stepped in and motioned Kel aside. Moving a little away from the group, he addressed her directly. "In all fairness, you already proved yourself to me yesterday. You shouldn't have to repeat the process again, despite my own reservations as to your abilities."

Kel shook her head in disagreement. "You're right. I did prove myself to you, but that's precisely my point. I showed _you_, not the people of this town. In order for them to accept me, I have to do it front of them. They have to see me working hard _with them_ in order for there to be any respect or understanding." Kel sighed softly before continuing. "This isn't the first time I've had to prove my abilities and it won't be the last. You yourself expressed doubt in regards to this particular task."

Roderick glanced away uncomfortably before nodding. "I do have doubts. Digging latrines is one thing, but this requires heavy lifting and coordination. In all honesty, I chose your task yesterday hoping that the job itself would deter you. I was wrong then, and I could be wrong now."

Kel smiled wryly at him. "Did you think I didn't notice? It's unfair of me to just march into your town expecting you to welcome me with open arms. Your people are wary of nobles like me for a good reason. Many of us are not respectful of commoners. I've seen my own fellow knights treat those below their station as nothing more than slaves to be ordered about. That's why I want and need to prove myself on my own merit and not the word of another, even if that person is their leader."

"All right, Lady Keladry. I understand and respect your decision." Roderick nodded firmly then motioned for her to rejoin the men. Kel thanked him before walking back over to Jerren and the other villagers.

"Well? Do you all accept my proposal?" Kel could see the skeptism and doubt on each and every face. They believed that she wouldn't be able to keep up with them. Their expressions ranged from guarded to outright disgusted.

Jerren stepped forward and seemed to speak for the small group. "We accept your terms."

Kel bowed shortly. "Thank you."

Jerren just shook his head in response. "Don't thank us. We still don't think you can do it." Without further debating, the men dispersed to begin work again, failing to give Kel any instruction. Kel hadn't really expected any. Instead of pestering the hardworking men with her questions, Kel settled down to observe before joining the group.

* * *

Dom walked toward the stables, which had become his haven of late. He knew that all of his friends, including Neal, thought he was crazy. After Kel had left, he'd begun visiting Peachblossom. He'd come to an understanding with the old warhorse and his visits had become more and more frequent until he was visiting the animal once a day. It was ridiculous and slightly insane, but Dom felt that if he cared for Kel's beloved mount, he could somehow make up for the unforgivable words that had driven her away from palace. Intellectually, one had nothing to do with the other, but for Dom, it was his one saving grace from complete and utter depression. Whenever he tried distracting himself with training and his friends in the Own, his thoughts would inadvertently circle back to Kel. For whatever reason, spending time with Peachblossom put his mind at ease.

Heading straight to the gelding's stall, Dom reached into his pocket to retrieve an apple. He'd learned that this particular fruit was a favorite of Peachblossom's.

"Hey, old boy. How's the stable life. Exciting I take it?" Dom opened the stall door and slipped inside. Despite Peachblossom's contrary nature, the horse had come to accept Dom whole-heartedly. The sergeant no longer had to worry about receiving nips and bruises, much to Neal's confusion and displeasure.

Peachblossom nickered in welcome and immediately begin searching Dom for the apple he knew the man carried. Dom laughed good-naturedly. "I see how it is. You only see me as an unending source of food."

The horse snorted as if to deny the accusation, then immediately begin searching for the apple again. Grinning, Dom gave it to him.

"I see you're still visiting the monster." Neal's voice was unmistakable.

Dom glanced over to find his cousin standing outside the stall. "No wonder he doesn't like you. All you ever do is insult the poor beast."

Neal gave a short laugh. "Poor beast? I think not. That animal has taken one too many chunks out my arm over the years for me to ever feel sorry for it."

Instead of responding with a witty reply, Dom merely sighed. "Still checking up on me, I see. I really am fine. I don't need you popping in all the time as if to check and see if I'm still alive."

Neal was silent for a moment and then he too sighed. "I can't help but worry about you cousin, especially when you've taken up daily visits to a mean old horse. It wouldn't be as bad if you also weren't becoming the most antisocial person in the palace. Just the other day, you backed out of playing your weekly game of cards. You've never done that before."

Dom's eyes narrowed and he turned to glare at Neal. "You've been snooping into my business again? Who told you? Wolset?"

Neal merely raised one brow. "Why does it matter? Are you planning on calling him out? He's worried about you, just as the rest of your friends."

With a growl of frustration, Dom turned back to Peachblossom and rested his forehead against the gelding's muscled neck. Closing his eyes, he spoke in a soft and weary voice. "You all should just leave me to my misery."

"That's ridiculous! How can we just stand by, knowing you're unhappy?"

"Because I want to be unhappy."

Neal's words were shocked. "What? You _want_ to be unhappy? Mithros, Dom, you're farther gone than I originally thought!"

Dom stepped away from Peachblossom and braced his hands against the edge of the stall door, his agitation obvious. Lifting his gaze, he met Neal's eyes directly. "You don't understand—it's my fault Kel left! I drove her away with my cruel words. I was the one who hurt her, no one else." His voice broke. "I deserve to be as miserable as I made her."

In a reasonable tone, Neal replied, "And you think Kel would want that? She's not a vindictive person. If you made a mistake, I'm sure she's long forgiven you for it."

"That's not the point. I haven't forgiven myself and I can't. You don't know the horrible things I said to her."

Exasperated, Neal rolled his eyes and stepped closer to his cousin. "You're right. I don't know what was said, but I've had some idea about the problems between you two for a while. I know that you both care a lot about each other. I also know that it's usually the people you care about most that hurt you the greatest."

Dom stared at Neal, confusion in his face. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that she cares about you a great deal. Enough to call it love."

Dom shook his head. "You're wrong. She doesn't love me as a man."

Neal crossed his arms over his chest. "How do you know? Did she say she didn't love you?"

Dom closed his eyes in frustration. "She might as well have."

Neal gave a short laugh. "Since when has Kel ever voiced her true feelings? You of all people should know what she's like. She could be bleeding from ten different injuries and still says she's perfectly fine."

Exhausted with the conversation, Dom refused to accept Neal's words. "No. You're wrong about this, cousin." Opening Peachblossom's stall, he stepped out and latched it firmly behind him. "I should go. I promised Raoul that I'd meet him for lunch. Dom left before Neal could voice another argument on the issue.

* * *

**A/N:** Hello to all of my readers, past and present. I know that it's been an extraordinary long time since this story has been updated; therefore I also know that I've probably lost a lot of my loyal readers along the way. The motivation for writing this chapter can be attributed to the many reviewers who have, despite my long absence, continued to review. I would like to thank all of you out there (you know who you are). You're encouraging and interested comments made me want to write. I would like to especially thank GoldenLadyKnight, who sent me a very memorable message encouraging me to continue a few months back. I know this chapter wasn't particularly exciting, but this update is sort of a test. I wanted to find out how many people were still interested in reading this story. Depending on the response I get, I'll decide whether to continue updating, or just leave it on hiatus. Please review and tell me your thoughts. Thank you all so much again for your support! ~Lupus17


End file.
